i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do with my life.

at all.

but i think that's the great thing about it.

even if it does piss me off and confuse me sometimes.

i used to want to die.

everyday i'd think about suicide.

i always figured it'd be easier.

the easy way out.

never thought about it as cowardice.

cause it's not.

you just get tired of dealing with

the same old **** everyday...

so..suicide pops into your head.

easy way out....

i used to cut a lot too.

yea..i posted pictures.

of my cuts that is.

sorry if that offended anyone.

i dont cut anymore.

i'm trying this not cut thing.

and..its working for now.

i haven't cut in maybe almost a month.

i'm pretty proud of myself for that.

i've had urges.

but small urges.

urges i have gotten over.

i think i've gotten over all of this

because of Mike.

he's helped me to get through this.

he's...saved my life really.

i dont think he knows that.

everytime i think about cutting..

i think about mike.

everytime i think about suicide,

if i even do anymore,

i think about mike.

i can't leave him.

i can't hurt him like that.

i can't hurt him at all.

i love him.

i couldnt' do that to my rents either.

my mum wouldnt' survive through it.

my dad wouldnt' either.

my brother...nah.

i can't hurt my family.

i dont want to die anymore.

do i still have anger?

lots of it.

hah...i think i have anger problems.

really.

i'm gonna go though.

later.