[ineedyoutostealmyheart]
take it right out of my chest.
run with it.
dont stop running.
keep it clasped tight in your hand.
dont let it slip.
punishment for lacking faith???
i dont understand a lot of things.
the other day...i was in mr valois's room and we were writing questions on the board...
mine was..."why?"
seems to be a simple enough question.
but...i have trouble even beginning
to search for an answer.
am i not supposed to understand?
does anyone have the answer?
an answer that doesn't involve God?
"All is as God wills it."
i heard that in a movie.
why would God will some of these terrible tragedies?
why?
what posses him to want to tear apart the lives of people?
why would he take the life of two innocent children????
children?!?
and leave their mother shattered.
believe?
it's difficult when you have tragedies just surrounding you.
today...a 16 year old was killed in a car wreck.
along with a 19 year old.
haley and chelce both knew him.
why would God do that?
why do i capitalize his name...when i doubt?
f*cking why??????
i cant say everything will get better if you did give yourself to God, but life would have more meaning with faith leading you through it
one of my really good friends just told me that. thank you. it's so incredibly smart. and probably true. no...it is true. i just need to find...the will. the...something.
i will never be lonely...
as i rise from the grave...
i will never be lonely...
as i ascend.
-seven last words - as i ascend
i never really noticed the lyrics until i heard them play it acoustic today.
when i heard it...i thought of Gunner and Ryker Young. they're playing it for the church one sunday. because their pastor passed away. so that's what's going through their head. but...i didn't know him. the entire time i listened to it...i thought of those two children. they'll never be lonely. because...they'll always be together. but...it's still sad. again...why? i just ....really dont understand.
in october i was supposed to go to a senses fail show. it was on a tuesday. the guy couldn't get tickets. mike's band was playing a local show downtown the same night. i called jason and told him to take me their. thats when i met mike. God's will? Fate? Coincidence?
who knows?
i'd like to believe someone had a hand in it.
silly?
maybe.
mike told me something tonight that made me think.
something to the nature of:
"if i died tomorrow...i'd die with you being my true love. i dont know if i can handle knowing that i'd never get to see you again"
because of course...according to christians...if you dont believe....you go to hell. if God is real that is. so...if God is real...and he dies...he'll go to heaven...i'll be sent to hell.
oh i want to believe. i just...i guess what i'm looking for is proof. proof of existence. proof that when i die...i'm not just gonna...vanish. i'm gonna have somewhere to go. and that if i change my ways and live my life right...i'll go somewhere nice. but that's what faith is all about right???? blind faith.
i used to have faith. i did. i used to believe in God. i mean...damn...i was born and raised a catholic. what the f*ck happened to me????
maybe...it'll hit me like a box of rocks...and i'll realize that blind faith is going to get me through life. maybe i need God in my life. maybe...just maybe...i'll search for him. i dont know where he'll be.
if you think i'm sad and stuff...then you're all wrong. i'm a little down. but it's not something a little sleep and a visit from mike wont cure. i mean, yes, this obviously wont totally go away...but sleep..and mike..will soothe it. make it easier to deal with.
I'd like to think of Mike as a blessing. not as a coincidental meeting or anything.
he's the kind of love i've always dreamed about.
the kind of love every girl dreams about.
true love.
| 
Х Jan. 16, 2006 - ...
on the question u asked if i took those pictures.. the answer is yes. all of the pictures i post is one that i took with my ghetto little digital camera. lol. i'm glad u enjoyed them as much as i enjoyed posting them for all of my blog friends.
take cares,
Chol