so...yea. mike is awesome. that's pretty much the just of it. we're uh...together now. it's official. he asked me tonight. it was cute. and i dont feel like explaining it. so yea. it's great though. and we're still keeping it on the down low. since he's a teacher and all. he teaches at an elementary school. he's awesome. no...he's not like 30 or anything. he's 23. i cant remember if i've mentioned that or not. oh well.

so..sometimes..i wish that mitch would break up with haley. i'm not sure why. i just do. maybe...she'd spend more time with me. or something. hopefully, she'd come running to me. :) that'd be great. just because it'd make me feel loved.

basically..that's how it is. i feel bad sometimes for some of the things i think. but..it's ok. my mum and brother read a journal entry on myspace..and they both flipped out. it was crazy. my mum was worried tremendously about me. i seriously considered telling her i cut. but..that quickly went out of my head. my life would be ruined if i told her. maybe one day.

recently..i've thought more about..i guess...attempted suicide. i don't actually want to die. just..somehow..i want to end up in the hospital. hurt. bad. but not like..i'm gonna die bad. just..i'm gonna be in the hospital awhile bad. yea. cause then..people would come see me. and they'd cry. and they'd feel bad. and they'd love me. and then maybe..i could get help. like..a therapist or something. yea. i need one. or...rather..i guess i just want one. someone to talk to. someone i can tell everything without them judging. and someone who actually talks back. i don't know. it's a thought. but..i doubt it'll ever happen. i don't have the guts to attempt suicide for one. and two...by some chance..i'm not gonna get in a car wreck or anything so..i'm screwed.

i'm gonna go now. i'm rather tired. i'm thinking of lying down...writing...then going to sleep. who knows what'll actually happen though.

goodnight.

sleep amazing whoever reads this.

p.s. mike...is amazing. and he makes me feel amazing. and for that right there..i shouldn't want to be hospitalized.