so basically. david called me a b*tch last night. he signed online and said "i just wanted to say that you're a b*tch and you broke my heart". i was like..wow. that hurt. i cried.i really did. i was tore up over that. he's taking this really really hard and making me feel like sh*t about it. he's doing a good job. i feel like sh*t. well..sorta. i am actually pretty happy. really happy. but...i still care...and that still hurts. but..it's ok. he'll get over it..eventually. and i guess anger is his way. i don't know. i don't want him to be angry. i don't want him to hate me. he said that he knew i cheated on him. mitch told him. he asked me why i did it. i told him i wanted to kiss the guy. we were both in the wrong b/c he knew i had a bf. that doesn't change the fact that i wanted to kiss him and i don't regret it. oh well.

i did talk to mike last night. he called. and that made me happy.  i was really happy when he called. we talked for about an hour. he wants to help me. he said he didn't know how..but he wanted to help. i told him that i needed him to take away my razors. then he understood that i cut. he said he could do that. he said i was too beautiful to do that to myself. and that he really did want to help. he said he doesn't understand it. but..he'll do his best. he said, maybe i could get an addiction to holding on to him. he wouldn't mind that. so...yea. mike is really cool. he really likes me. and i really like him. i asked him why he wanted to help me so bad. he said it was the way i looked at him. i was like..wow. it's amazing. he cares so much. yet, he hardly knows me. he said...he's never had anyone look at him the way i do. yea.

so..i'm gonna see him thursday. that makes me happy. i woke up this morning though and i got online and read david's away message and it said " i f*cking hate heartless b*tches"   referring to me. ouch. oh well. mike likes me. he cares. so..yea. f*ck david. i guess. i shouldn't feel that way but i have no choice. he's gonna be that way....so am i. but i'm happy. he's not. he's being a total jerk about it.

i'm gonna go though.