so, today pretty much sucked. but that's only because of the dream i had. and because of how badly i want that dream to come true. maybe not every detail. but..,.parts of it. first off...you need to know who zaky is. if i haven't mentioned it here before. august 8, 2005. warped tour in charlotte, nc.  after being there for a llooonngg while...i saw the most beautiful guy. i was at one of the main stages. right at the fence separating us from the stage. this beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, hot guy...was running by (cause he had been crowdsurfing). mandi and cara (two girls i had met earlier) knew him. they were like.."Zaky!" and i was like..breathless. he came around and was talking to them. we all got introduced and yea. i said something to leslie about crowdsurfing and mandi overheard me and told zaky to take me. *sigh* my first crowdsurfing experience...thanks to zaky. then we hung out the rest of the time. leslie included. he was amazing. gorgeous, funny, random, spontaneous. oh my gosh. then...randomly..at the end of senses fail last song...he told me we were going crowdsurfing. we went...and when we got out...he put his arm around me. then we couldn't find leslie. we held hands looking for her. couldn't find her anywhere. we stood where we were earlier to see if she would show up. and my chemical romance was getting ready to play. me and zaky stood there...arms around each other. we jumped up and down to mcr i'm not okay. *sigh* then we had to get out. b/c i had to go find leslie. so we crowdsurfed out. helds hands when we got out. found leslie. i was hugging him bye..and he wouldn't let go. then he leaned in to kiss me. i pulled away. cause...cause...i'm with david. *sobs*.....OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!! no..i can't believe i did that. but yes. i did. gosh. i miss him. this is the wonderful zaky:

oh gosh..i said no to that. i can't believe me. and since then, i haven't been able to fully keep my mind off of him. now the dream. him, mandi, and cara drove down for my graduation. then zaky took us to a party and well...things got out of hand. me and zaky...had sex all over the place...yes we did. then, they stayed the night. we all feel asleep in the living room watching tv. the next morning, david stopped by to see me and zaky sleeping...right next to each other. i woke up, seeing the shock on his face and him walking out. i followed. he got really upset. but me and him were taking a break. so, i figured..it was ok. or something. then he tossed me this letter...and left. the letter was filled with the most amazing words ever. then i woke up. feeling like a dirty whore. but, i really really like zaky. a lot. like..you have no clue. and he was on my mind...like..all day. i was telling haley about it. and i told her that when i first saw him, it was like..'bam!'. wow. infatuation at first site. and she said 'didn't mr. mckinney say that love was an all of a sudden thing. like...a 'bam' sort of thing?'. i was like...wtf...haley, you aren't helping. but, that just made me think more. what if i do love zaky? is that even possible? i dont' know. but i know i can't stop thinking about him. but he lives in NC. i asked him if we lived closer, would i have a chance. he said more than likely. that made things worse too. he said him, cara, and mandi are gonna try really hard to make it to my graduation. *sigh* ok well..now that i've gotten all that off my chest. i think i'm gonna go now.