so uh...yea. travis dorn is really really really cute. heck yes he is. but he's dating this chik named tiffany. tiffany is friends with matt paulette. i met tiffany today and she told me that matt paulette likes me. whoa! connections. but he is cute. so is matt. but i'm with david...<3. yea. there's this kid david at my school who's cute too. all these damn freshmen and sophomores. geezus. i'm a ******* senior. (this site just bleeped my eff word) so yea.
today was an ok day. the weather was almost perfect. had it not been for the humidity. i hate humidity. i like...despise it. it's horrid. it makes my hair all...frizzy n stuff. bla. nasty. oh and i don't think i'm gonna be able to go see senses fail on the 18th. which is really gay. i hate that. it's super uber gay. i really was looking forward to it. geezus. this bites big ass.
i really like zaky. man, had it not been for david, i woulda kissed him. i know that's horrible. and had i not been with david, i wouldn't have met zaky. b/c that's how my luck works. dammit. it's like..i try and forget zaky and his name pops up somewhere. i'm like...geezus. it's horrid. ****. (they bleeped that too)
i think i'm addicted to myspace. i'm always on it. i mean..it was just a thought.
sometimes i feel like letting go. i wonder why i'm here. what purpose i serve in life. why i even would want to be here. when there's no one to trust. someone is always telling me to hold on though. i hate it. i wish no one cared. well, sometimes. i think after awhile though, i'd wish someone did care for me.
i was reading some of my away messages. they are really uh..harsh. and uh..yea. there's another word..i just dont' know what it is. here are some lines from some of my away messages:
*i'm crying myself to sleep. i had other options but left them in a drawer.
**as the blade makes love to my wrist the pain in my heart fades away with the light. sometimes i hate myself for the things i do to my flesh.
*i cut to bleed. i bleed to drain. i drain to fade...the pain away.
*i'm crying myself to sleep. i had other options but left them in a drawer.
*i don't want to open my eyes and come back to life.
*i can't do anything right...can i?
*when i dont feel love, i don't want to feel anything. i want to die.
*i'll slit my wrists tonight for love.
*if i don't make your heart skip a beat then hate me. if i don't make you feel anything then its me.
*jack and sally....right?
*i know you're pissed...b/c you're out walking.
i'm sorry.
i seem to do nothing but cause you pain.
i'm sorry.
some things i just don't understand.
i'm sorry.
and for all this i put myself to shame.
i'm sorry.
*look into my eyes and read my mind. i'm hurt by you cause you don't have the time...for me.
i'm crying on the inside...so you don't have to see...see me hurt.
i hate you. just die. now. kill yourself. slice open your veins and bleed dry. or would you rather me?
*hiding in the shadows i'll be waiting in the dark. to drive this blade straght through your heart.
*i'm asleep. be quiet. wake me and i'll slit your throat.
*if you bother me i'll murder you and turn you inside out. isn't that neato?
yea..i'm deranged.
bye | 