it seems i do nothing but cry. i mean..i am happy. but..the littlest things upset me. and ...i mean..i guess i just have a tender heart. i dont like having a tender heart though because that means i'm easier to hurt. i dont want to be easily hurt. i want it to take a lot to hurt me. i want things to not bother me as much. i let everything bother me though. i pretend i dont. but..i do. mr mckinney called me tonight asking where i was and why wasn't i at play practice. my mum is gonna call him tomorrow and inform him of everything that has been going on. go mum. she'll make him feel bad. she wants me and him to have a conference though. without him belittling me. or whatever. making me feel like he's inferior to me. faggot.

cold but i'm still here.

d*mn right. i'm cold..but i'm still here. i'm still going. i haven't given up yet. i'm not gonna totally let things knock me off the ledge. i'm just gonna let them make me lose my balance a little. yea.

i tried telling mike i didn't want to do the play. but , he pulled that 'you might regret it' thing..and..that made me think twice. but...now that i've really given it some thought..i dont think i'll regret it as much as he's thinking.i dont want to have to worry about outfits or finding a ride to practice or making things funnier. its the end of my senior year. i want to worry about passing all my classes with a 90 so i can exempt my exams. or at least passing. that's more important. i want to worry about what shoes i'll wear to prom. i want to worry about my makeup for prom. i want to worry about buying waterproof makeup so i dont smear it during graduation. i want to worry about my graduation party...and getting to warped tour this summer. those are the things i want..and need to worry about. i dont need mr. mckinney and caught in the act to worry me any more than it should. and i know it will. it worried me last year. it worried me alot last year. so...i'll give him my answer after spring break. but chances are it'll be no.

later.

thanks for listening..if anyone is.