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Bubbles... Need pop bubbles....

PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in an OK mood this morning, even though I had a test today... which wasn't actually as hard as I thought that it would be...and even though we got our report cards, then, when I got to the middle of lunch, it started becoming crappy.  I was getting a massive headache.  Then I went to English and it just got worse!

In English we were talking about our ISU and the journals we have to write.  A very important lesson as far as I'm concerned.  And these people, who sit in the corner at the back (I sit at the back middle), they always talk.  It's not generally a big deal, because generally everyone talks and it's a fairly lighthearted class.  However. Today, Everyone was paying attention except for them!  They went on with their personal convo. and seeing as I had a headache, the only thing I could hear was them. 

I tried to tune them out, and after about 10 mins, I turned to them and pretty much yelled at them, saying "Can't you people ever shut up?  This is an important class!  You wonder why you don't get it?  It's because you are always f***ing talking!  And you never can hear Mrs. D, so you never get it!  So SHUT UP and maybe you will!"

People close to me kinda turned and were staring, but I didn't particularly care.  I turned around and continued to listen to what Mrs. D was saying.  Then she started talking about what we wondered about.  And what excited us.  Mrs. D was picking random people, and she picked me.  So, I said I got excited about Photography, because I do.  And I wonder about the question, "If a tree falls in a forest, and noone is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" 

And PEOPLE LAUGHED AT ME!  I wanted to cry  and punch them  in the face.  I mean, most other people said they didn't wonder about anything, and they weren't excited about anything, or they didn't know.

However, the girls were quiet for a few minutes. 

Then, I hear from one of them "She is such a b**ch."  And that was it for the rest of class, didn't hear another peep.

It was so nice, I got to absorb what Mrs. D was saying for once!  So now I actually know what I'm supposed to do for my ISU journals! WAHOO!

Then, after English, I ran over to tekk and got more bubblewrap.  TY Ms. Flood!  It has been usefull thus far.

I knew I would need it.  When I got home, I watched Madagascar, cooked dinner for my parents (I made Shepard's pie... it's ground beef, veggies, mashed potatoes and cheese on top... but I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat it.), and watched T.V., also have been popping bubbles on and off all afternoon.  But then I cut.

(Oh, I had a Nutella sandwich today at lunch, so I have eaten today.)

I was just... I'm just... I am...  so tired.  I am so frustraited. I'm Angry at the world. I'm tireed of feeling guilty for things that I can't control.  I'm tired of apologizing for things I didn't do. Feeling bad for choices I have made and mistakes I have made.  I don't want it to be my fault anymore.  I don't even want to hang with family or friends anymore.  I'm tired of feeling so Alone.  And I know that I have people to talk to, so I'm not alone, and that there are 6 billion + people in the world, so there is no way I am alone, but I still feel like I'm alone and no one knows how I feel or what it is like to be me.  Yes, they try, and A for Effort, but no one truely knows. 

Sometimes I wonder if anything is worth any efforts at all.  I'm just, so exhausted.  From everything.  I never get enough sleep, I never want to eat because it makes me sick, I just want to lay in my nice warm bed all day and watch movies.  I suppose I'd like to be a couch potato.  I'm OK with that.  Really, I could do it for a while anyways.  I'm tired of being stressed.  I just want to stop feeling.  Stop hurting inside and outside.  Just want to be numb.

Today is one of those days I want to curl up in a ball in a cave and just die or disappear or something.  I don't even want to go to school tomorrow.  I'd only miss 2 classes, so I dont think it'd be a huge deal, but I think my mum might be off tomorrow, and she would be mad at me.

Oh, I asked my Mum for $12.00 for a field trip, and she says: "what are you going to do for me?  What do I get out of it if you go on a field trip?"  How about, I have fun and you just give me the $$!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh, but I can't be happy or have fun!  I just have to be little slave girl!

Anyways, I think I am done now... going to... well, I don't want to lie to anyone, so I'm going to leave it at " ...".