The Journey

I keep on trying

This whole Kara situation just has me going nuts.  I thought we worked everything out.  But now, I'm second guessing things.  We got into it again last night.  But this time, it was all my fault.  I was laughing at something, and didn't realize that by me laughing, I was hurting her feelings.  I  didn't realize I was doing anything wrong.  But right after, I realized.  I  apologized, but I don't think Kara wanted to hear it right then.  I totally respect that.  Sometimes when we are hurting, i it's hard to hear someone's apologizes.  But I told I didn't mean to hurt her.  I wasn't rying to hurt her.  I told her maybe we need some space to think things over.  That she could call me when she was ready to talk.  When you are calm down, you can think better and therefore talk better.  I was calm last night.  She was upset for good  reason.  So we  hung up. 

So, I woke up this morning and she left me a voicemail.  She apologized.  And she said that she wanted to talk, but she wanted me to call her back.  That's fine with me, but I'm a bit confused about something.  I don't understand why she was apologizing to me.  I'm the one who hurt her feelings.  Why was she apologizing?  I need to do that, and I will. 

Sometimes, I can't wrap my head around this.  I try to be a good friend, but I always say something to make her upset.  Is it me?  I really don't know.  I know I should address these concerns with her, but I think apart of me is scared.  I'm scared about what she might say.  I don't want our friendship to end.  So, if she's my friend, she'll hear me out.  So, I will go and see her tomorrow hopefully and fix things.  Some things are better fixed in person.

Okay, enough with this dume and gloom.  Tonight I'm going to Allison's party.  I think a party is exactly what I need right now.  It will do me some good to see my university friends.  I need to get away from this craziness of my verbal vomit. 

Ashley