I know a girl who has never really been interested in me.  She tells me that I am a great guy and that shouldbe the man she ends up with but probally never will.  Now this is the part that is tough for me, see I love her, I really do, but I realized why she may never be able to love me.

The other day me and her were talking and she was telling me how she treats her boyfriends like a king, and she apoligize for never treating me like one for the three weeks that we were together.  That part didnt bother me so much I figured I like to treat my woman like a Queen but I am not really in to the whole man tells woman to breathe thing.  So she goes on about how great of a girlfriend she is and how she realize that she never really gave me  a chance when we were dating, figured she knew it wouldnt work so why waste her time.  I get that, I dont totally agree but i get where she is coming from. Then she started talking about this guy she dated along time ago and how they werent really a couple but she dted him for six months.  She tried to break up with me three times in the three weeks we stayed together.  But no harm no foul, we didnt work out that way but we are pretty good friends.  In fact were damn good friends.  I wouldnt change that for anything.  There is just one small problem after almost a year of us not being together I sort of fell In Love with her.  I know, dumb thing to do, espacially when I found out how many guys she liked, dont misunderstand I am not one to shy away from competition but the odds were completely against me.  Not to mention the fact that she thinks I have incompatible personality with hers (her words not mine).  So she thinks that I am anal, and that I talk down to her.  Now I dont think I have ever talked down to her, but she says otherwise and I am not going to argue with her about it.  She also thinks that I am a great person, and will make a really good husband and that I am the only friend she can trust.  So one day I started really focusing on The Competition as it were to see exactly one I couldnt when with her against these guys.

Then it hit me like a staight from Mike Tyson.  She needs drama or some type of negative stuff in the guy she dates.  Allow me to clarify this, none of us really have anything in common I have seen some of these guys and can say she isnt going for looks.  By that i mean some of us are over 6ft tall while others, well lets just say they aren't.  Some are big while others are small.  Some goto college and some work, some are men others are boys.  To make the list short we are an extremely assorted group of guys. So one day she is telling me about this guy who is being mean and she is crying over him because she is so upset and it hits me.  She's Crying!!!! Then the wheels start to spin she is crying over him and the guy before that, and the guy before that.  Not all at once but at some point they all made her cry.  Then she starts about how they choose other women over her.  Now this part confuses me because I could never see myself doing that, but this is them. 

So I start thinking in overtime, really working my brain and I come to the conclusion that she never liked the fact that I would be a good choice for her.  I have never intentionally made her cry to my knowledge.  We have known each other for years and only once have we got into an arguement.  She knows I will never betray her and thats why she doesnt want me...  She wants the bad boys, because while I am trying to console her they are being an ass and she keeps picking them over me.  Now she rights on a similar blog ting and i read them and they are almost always about who pissed her off, and what some jack ass selfish person did to her. 

Sunday me and her talked in the mourning for almost 2 hours, I swear to you it was the high point of my day.  So when i read her post that night i was shock to see the only thing on her mind were the idiots that pissed her off.  only them.  I guess who do you remember more the stranger that hugs you or slaps you? 

She tells me that she prays that me and her could make it work, I tell her if I was given a chance but she doesnt here me.  She worries about guys she hasnt seen in years and doesnt know more than she does me.  I would give anything to put her first in my life, but nothing seems to work.  I wrote our wedding vowels.  How sad is that?  I have no idea what to do to show her that this is where she belongs.  I only wanted one real shot, one shot with no pre set failure.  I just wanted both of us to try to make it work.  I know I love her becuase she hurts me in a way only lovers can. I can make her laugh, safe, secure, happy, wet, but i cant make her cry because that would hurt me to much.  maybe i dont deserve her than.................