love?

I received a letter from civil service about the Corrections Officer exam. I scored an 85. I am like 638 on the list..i'm not sure if that's good or bad.

The next thing is a psych. evaluation. how fun. I'm not really worried about that, but I am worried about the medical and physical part. I'm not even close to being in shape..but i've got a few months to get better. I just have to stick to it. I don't want to be that fat girl at the academy.

My day was good. I played with the boys in their swimming pool. It was fun, I felt like a kid but they loved it. I was letting them push me over into the water and wrestling around with them. I love being a mother, it allows you to do kid things again.

For some reason I have really been missing Bar. Tonight it was especailly acute. I just can't seem to let him go. I keep hoping that he'll suddenly tell me he wants me back and that he loves me. I know that this is proposterous but for some reason that hope still remains. I still have the tattoo with his name in it. It's been over a year. I can't bring myself to have it covered. I need to keep my head, i know i'll do something stupid that i'll regret if I don't. In my dreams I fall to my knees and beg him to come back or I seduce him. These things are just dreams...but god, i miss him.

11:45 PM - Jun. 28, 2007 - post comment