absolutely alone

Lena and I spoke for the first time a month or two. She doesn't want to be friends anymore. I can't really blame her after what I did but I just never thought there would come a time when she would no longer be in my life. I have never felt so alone before. I have no friends. How did this happen? How did I become so out of touch?

I drove Lena away. She was happy and I couldn't stand it. I had to mess it up somehow. I don't know what I was thinking. I really don't have more than friend love kind of feelings for lena but all of a sudden one night i'm telling her I love her and crying over messenger. WHY??? I knew she was happy with Ruth why did I have to **** things up? I don't get it. I am a truly messed up individual. I am a pathological liar, jealous, insecure, and controlling. I don't know how to stop myself. When i'm doing it it seems like a good idea at the time. As they say "hind sight is 20/20"  I want to be able to sustain a relationship without any of those horrid personality traights coming into play. I might actually be able to be happy for once.

9:38 PM - May. 10, 2007 - post comment