walking into the unknown.

So things are over for real with Bar and I. Sort of like that Country song "gone". It's hard. I was doing so well, but I had a breakdown the other day and cried for him to come back. It was awful. I don't know why it's so hard for me to let go. I know that we aren't meant to be together, that we never get along but it's still hard to just stop loving someone. He seems to be having a lot easier time with this than I am and that is making it harder. I think we will be okay. I want us to be able to be friends again. I know that this will take awhile and there are going to be rough times ahead, especially when Bar actually starts dating someone again. He already has a personals on Match.com.

The house buying process is doing well so far. I have to meet with the loan officer on teusday or wednesday. I'm just afraid that something bad will happen and I won't get the house. I will be so dissapointed. I'm really looking forward to having a huge yard where the dogs and kids can just run around.

This is also really scary. I'm not going to know anyone and I have to do everything on my own, no one to fall back on. This will make me stronger I know. There is so much to do before hand. I need to find someone or someplace to watch the kids, I need to find a job, a vet, a groomer, a doctor. OY. I really hope I don't screw things up. I hope this is a good move for the boys too. I know they will miss their grandparents but I think they will have more choices in a larger town.

10:42 PM - Jul. 9, 2006 - post comment