| *~La Bella Vita~* |
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08:46 - Aug. 31, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentsuicide and cutting stufffound this bookmark at CMHA when i went to go and volunteer for the distress lines for my community hours, and also just to do something good because i know i have had to use them and found them helpful... so here it is...BOOKMARK ON SUICIDE if someone you know:
In Kitchener - Waterloo - Cambridge (Ontario, Canada):
What should family and friends do when a loved one is self-harming? Helpful Responses:
Anyway, I am gonna go do some homework, just thought I would post this cuz it might be useful to some people, or just informative to others... ttyl all - randii - 11:34 AM - Aug. 30, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentNew templateI changed the design of the blog ))) the last one was too pink, this one i like better. somehow i didnt need much time to change the layout, may be because i already have some experience with web-design and html, but as you can see i didnt change much, just the colors and pics 11:18 - Aug. 30, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentugh why do i bother?ok... so im sitting here... wondering why i am even trying so hard... i mean like i am going to school and working both full time, i dont have time to study, so my grades are as good as i would like them to be (which i expected myself to get 85 + %) but its so hard to get everything done that you need to do! i mean, i bareley have time to do things like eat and sleep! i had a shower today after like 4 days of not having one! my hair was sooo dirty it was gross! plus ive lost 2 pant sizes this month cuz i havent really been eating, i went from 16 to 11... i couldnt wear my nice work pants anymore because i couldnt get them to stay up on their own and they dont have a place for the belt! so now i gotta fork out money so that i can get new dress pants that fit... plus i need new scrubs because they are also gettin really big on me. ugh... im trying so hard and succeeding so little. anyway, thats my blurb for now, gotta head back to class
ttyl all
- randii - 5:57 AM - Aug. 30, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentyou know that you live in year 20061. By mistake you use the password for a microwave oven... 2. you have a list of 15 phone numbers to contact your family of 3 members... 3. you send an email to your colleague in the next room... 4. You can't contact your friends or family because they dont have email account ... 5 after the working day you come home and talk on phone as if you still are at work... 7. you are in a panic if you left your mobile at home and come back to get it... 8. the first thing you do in the morning – check your emails.. 9.you smile like that - ) 10. now you are agreeing with what you read and smile... 11. even worse is that you already know whom you willsend this... 12. you are too enthusiastic to notice that #6 is missing here... 13. you needed only 1 second to read again and check that number 6 is really missing... And now you are smiling... 04:41 - Aug. 30, 2006 - comments {0} - post commenti need a systemmy brain is exploding right now. i have too many thoughts in my head and need to systematyze them. i have such a chaos of the thoughts that now i really need a system... so i start 1. last few weeks were really good 2. no bad dreams 3. no pains 4. no chocolate - i still have the chocolate bar bought 2 weeks ago and feel really sad i cant eat because it may cause pains 5. i dont want to go to work - seems the vacation was too long and i need more time to get used to work again 6. we have family problems. My mother and sister have a war because they dont have a mutual concept of how to bring up alexandra. i am in the middle of the war and since they dont talk with each other i have to inform both of them what is going on 7. i want children. i really do want my own children - at least 2!!! 8. i try to deal with the feeling of not being able to be with the one i love - it is hard, sometimes unbearable, but i feel the support and that really means a lot for me 9. people dont comment on my blog anymore, i guess i am becoming boring to read, so i promise i will change :) 10. i havent watched a decent movie for a while. may be it is because of summer, no good movies in this season? 11. i missed the beginning of USOpen - what is happening to me???? i really like tennis :)) 12. last weekend i visited my university friends - pity that we dont get to see each other often :(, but it is life and we all have our own paths 13. i hate it everytime when he isnt able to come online, though i know it is not his fault. he really has to work so hard 14. i worry too much - just about everything 15. i changed - at least people say i did )) - i'm not sure if it is true but at least i know it is for good. we all change a lot throughout the life, a normal process of human evolution :) 16. i can understand english speech better :)))) though my speaking activities are still far from perfect :P - but i am working on it (sometimes i really catch myself on talking with.... me, weird, isnt it?) 17. i hate my internet connection - it fails too often :( 18. i bought a new book today but i am not sure if i start reading it today. i'm afraid that if its good, i wont sleep again ))) - i always do it when the book is really interesting 19. life is good, sometimes really unfair to us but i try to think positive and find powers to live my life as best as i can 20. i'm not sure if its all, if it is not - i will add something later ))) 21. the most importand thing is that i am HAPPY, no matter what life brings for us - i am happy because i have you )) 22. have a good day, everyone and please be nice to all people around you. treat people as you want to be treated ))) P.S. (added later) i dont like this layout anymore - it is too....pink ))) will change it in the next few days. May be i'll make it yellow or red (no, not red!), may be green :) 09:52 - Aug. 29, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentjust updateI havent written anything in a few days. Have been busy last week - a lot of work to do. the last couple of days werent so busy so i finally can write here )) But i'm afraid i dont have any news. life is still the same for me. the most important thing is that i feel happy and loved very much. that is what keeps me alive and saves me from the nightmares i used to have recently. The past few weeks i have normal sleep, no bad dreams, just not so much as i like )) but it is my fault - i cant make myself go to bed early, even when i really have such an intention yesterday i really gave a promise that i will sleep early and i really wanted to. Right after the call i went to bed and decided to read just a few pages of the book before sleeping. Not more than 15 minutes ))) i really wanted it because i needed my rest but i ended up reading up to 3 am - i finished the book, so today i may sleep early because i dont have anything to read I guess thats all for today ))) may be i will add something later )) Have a good day everyone and please take cares :) 04:00 - Aug. 29, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentattatchementwhy do we get so attatched to things?? i mean, we get emotionally attatched to animals, people, and things (like stuffed animals, computers, etc... material kind of objects...).i mean, death shouldnt be a big thing, it should be accepted. i mean, its a natural thing that happens right? but since we are attatched it makes it harder... my counsellor thinks that im becoming dependant on her. she thinks that i have attatched some sort of meaning to her. the only thing that ive attatched to her is that she is someone that i can trust and talk to on a weekly basis. also, that i can get input from her that is logical and doesnt have any pre-existing thoughts with me and that together. but then, detatchement is exactly what got me into this mess to start with, i mean, i didnt want to bother anyone that i was already attatched to (stressing the attatchement) so i internalized it, then i started cutting.... wchih maybe wasnt such a good idea. oh well this is it for now, ttyl all - randii - 10:12 PM - Aug. 26, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentfinally it works!wow, I have been trying to blog for the past 4 days and with no success because my new entry window wasnt working properly, not sure if it was everyone or just me. most likly with my luck it was just me.anyways, i have had a rough few days. my mom gave us some news that is unfortunate and disturbing and apparently i didnt react the way that she wanted me too. *sighs* nothing is ever good enough for that woman. so im really really frustraited, becuase i dont seemt o be good enough for her. i spose i can chat with my counsellor about that today too. *sighs* oh yeah, shes going on holidays for another week next week. grrrr.... well, im gonna get to reading some of my homework... oh, i got mail today, thought it was some sort of junk mail cuz it said congratulations on it. but, it was from conestoga college and apparently ive been accepted intto their ECE program... trouble is that it starts in Jan and i dont finish until march. plus i dont know that i really wanna do that anymore, i mean, i still love little kids, but i dont know that i wanna make a career about it. anyways, i still dont know what im gonna do about it, i only have til september 1st to tell them if i want to, thats like a week away! they sure didnt give me much time to think about it. I wish they had at least sent it to me like 3 weeks ago. i feel like i was a last resort cuz they needed more people. *sighs* i spose i should just be grateful that they are considering me (and taking my money! HAHA). ok, ttyl for real i wish jen were online so i could chat with her about how crappy im feeling. *shrugs* -Randii - 10:35 PM - Aug. 24, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentHugswell...i really need a big hug now, the biggest one can give ))
11:56 - Aug. 24, 2006 - comments {3} - post commenteminem moodEminem - Mockingbird Yeah 07:33 - Aug. 24, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentpositive attitude )))I try to stay positive and think positive, really :) It is the only way to survive in this world. 23:25 - Aug. 22, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentaugustAugust always was a very hard month for the new Russia. Lots of catastrophies, deaths, terrorists attacks and other unhappy events took place in august. Including also economical disaster like default of 1998. This august promised to be different. Only few days ago i told my mom that it was august and nothing bad happened. Her words were "august is not over yet". http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/5276784.stm And like my mom said "august is still not over"... 23:06 - Aug. 22, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentalexandra in the circus 23:04 - Aug. 22, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentjust something to make you thinkLove is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired. 02:34 - Aug. 22, 2006 - comments {2} - post commentFireI really have sleeping problems. I cant make myself go to bed early, always stay up late, dont sleep well, because i am too tired to sleep, have to wake up early because i have to go to work ))) Since i had a bad dream again 2 nights ago, i really needed to get plenty of rest yesterday which i tried to make possible. I went to bed early, right after the call. And i fell asleep right after that but then middle in the night my sister woke me up saying there is a car in fire very close to our house. Well... i dont know why shedecided to wake me - i wouldnt be able to be of some help even when i wasnt so sleepy. I even didnt realize at first what she was saying. But then the parents woke up and called for firemen. The main danger was that we live in a wooden house, if something bad could happen, it could be too bad for all of us. The car was just about 8 meters away from our windows. It is good that everything went ok and nobody was hurt. But still it was a bit scary, mainly because of all these action movies where everything explodes so loud and everyone die ;))) But now i know that if the car is in fire it will not necessary explode )) Strange enough but i could sleep well after this, only that i woke up very tired again - i hate it when my sleep is interrupted, i never get enough rest then :( But now i feel good but a bit lazy - it explains why i have written 3 entries today, i dont want to work!!! But since i am a good employee (sp.?) i will try and be very productive today 23:11 - Aug. 21, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentOptical illusionhttp://www.johnsadowski.com/big_spanish_castle.html23:10 - Aug. 21, 2006 - comments {2} - post commentSome sad newsTen people have been killed (2 children) and 41 injured when an explosion ripped through a crowded market in Moscow in what officials called a settling of scores between criminal groups.Moscow's chief prosecutor Yuri Syomin said the blast was caused by a homemade bomb of a force equivalent to up to 1.2 kg (3 lb) of TNT explosive. "We are not excluding that it was a terrorist attack ... (but) most likely it was a business or criminal settling of scores that was behind the explosion," he told reporters. Syomin said the bomb may also have caused a nearby gas canister to explode. Earlier reports had suggested a gas leak was to blame. A moment of silence for the dead and injured. 23:03 - Aug. 21, 2006 - comments {2} - post commentFood...Food is such a strange thing. Its main goal is to nourish our bodies.Yet, we can use it to comfort us when we are angry or sad. We can use it at social gatherings. And some of us, we either love to hate food, or hate to love food. what does this mean?? well, loving to hate food is when you undereat / dont eat a lot because of the fear that it will make you fat. when you either eat very little, or when you eat a lot and then make yourself throw up, or even if you eat a little and make yourself throw up afterwards. hating to love food, thats like when you over-eat. You sit by the fridge at night gobble up everything that looks good. (usually carbs) or when you "closet eat" - when you hide food, then secretly eat it in a bedroom or closet etc... see how weird food is?? im one of those people that doesnt eat a lot when im upset. if i do eat tho, it usually makes me sick, literally. Lyndz, you saw that when i lived with you. I have this fear that it has started again, as I dont think that eating 1 cup of dry cereal (usually shreddies or life) really constitutes as a whole days meal and nutrients, along with about 1.5 litres of water. (you are supposed to drink 2 litres a day) anyways, this was just an observation i noted today, and last night when i was on MSN with my buddy Kare. well, ttyl all. today promises to be yet another craporific day. - randii - 11:33 AM - Aug. 20, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentThe fast and the furiousI finally watched "The fast and the furious. Tokyo drift". I had the dvd with this movie on it for a month or so but never get a chance to watch it. I did it yesterday. And i was slightly disappointed... The first one was good, i liked the second movie too. But this one was ... i dont know... just a wasting of my time, though i was patient and watched it up to the end, which means that there is still something good in the movie ))) But it also has no plot which annoys me most of all when i am watching a movie. May be you will disagree with me but the first 2 movies were much more better than this one. It is only my opinion ))) 02:55 - Aug. 18, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment
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