Breaking up is hard to do

This topic has been on my mind for weeks.  For the simple fact that I think my boyfriend is not in love with me. I don't really know if he ever really was in love with me but I am begining to suspect otherwise. Many reasons have gone into my thinking about this and pretty sure I am right.  He seems more secretative than ever and accuses me of off the wall things.  Everyday is something new. My stomach has been in knots and feels like if try to relax I will fall apart.  I honestly think I need some kind of mental help.  I have been talking about my relationship in my blog since I started.  It seems as though I am obsessive.  This issue seems to haunt me and I am not sure if this is normal.  It absolutely kills me to think of my life without him, but honestly I don't think he is ready to be with me.  Other things in his life seem more important and I understand that.  He is working on a spanish/rap Cd, he has his job and everything else that matters to him.  I just don't know where I fit in.  He doesn't have a good perception of me, everthing that he honestly thinks about me is negative.  He thinks I am liar, irrational, immature and not ready to be in a relationship.  I have heard him tell me I am all of those things and I still haven't really gotten it.  I would like to think that there is some good he thinks about me but I am not really sure.  And for that reason alone I don't think we will ever work out.  He is the love of my life and the man that I would do anything for and he is breaking my heart each day.  He pushes me away slowly and I finally getting the hint. I think I am going crazy.....   

9:17 AM - Feb. 16, 2006 - post comment