Crying on Feb.2 again..

I feel as though  I am on the edge of an emotional breakdown.  Today is a day that has been in my mind for three years.  I have broken up with my past two relationships on this exact day.  I fear that even today is the last day I will be with my current boyfriend.  As you know I have been away since Sunday. I have no cell phone so I have had to resort to using friends for only a minute everday to call him.  I told him how much I missed him and wished I was home.  He sounded like he felt the same.  But what do I know?  So I drove 3 hours home today and was thinking about him the whole time.  I got to his job nervous and excited to see him.  I waited for him to come out and say hello.  He didn't hug me, kiss me or barely look my way.  He made some rude comment about its only been a couple of days.  I feel like sometimes that my relationships are all one sided.  He then went on to say that his aunt and uncle were getting strippers for his birthday, no hello, how are you?, I have missed you.  But strippers.  I leave feeling really hurt.  I have feelings and emotions like everyone else in this world.  I came home to the apartment stinking like cigaretters which I hate.  The place just felt cold.  All the trash cans were empty, the carpets have big stains and my bedspread has stains on it that look like he tried to wash them out.  And I call him and say that on his voicemail that he really hurt my feelings today.  Today is our  8 month anniversary. Not a big deal to many but my longest relationship.  He called back and yelled at me and hung up.  I went into the bathroom and got a piece of condom rapper stuck to my foot.  Let me just say that we havent used a condom in months.  Nor have we had any in the apartment...I know another guy(one of his friends) has to been staying over a few nights but I didn't think that he would let him bring a girl here.  I feel so confused, so upset and so sad and lonely inside.  Nothing in my life feels like it belongs to me.  What if it was his? What if he met someone else? Someone better than me?  So now it's the day that all my relationships end.  Will today be that day again? Things aren't looking too good for me.  I feel like a pathetic loser who cries constantly about her boyfriend.  So here I am....a year later in the same spot as I was before....crying on Feb.2 again....

7:02 PM - Feb. 2, 2006 - post comment

....

i know how that feels..
frustrations and anger but most of all it's sadness that's hardest to deal with
it's mostly directed toward myself that i failed to make it work. I cannot escape but regret about it on days that i remember about it. But i know there are no trials that i cannot bear, it won't be given to me if God didn't think i can overcome it. Maybe there would be someone who will come in his life
that are better than me but all i know is, no one will love him the way i can. I hope you can make it work with him soon...
Cheer up, it's Valentine's soon. ^_^ hearts break but they can be mended...

icequeen - 4:52 PM - Feb. 2, 2006

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Crying

There is someone who loves you no matter who you are, and he will never leave you or forsake you.

Ali - 6:08 PM - Feb. 2, 2006

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even better than someone to love you despite who you are, He will love you just as you are, because of who you are, and will leave what you thought was love in the dust... I know I dont know you, but I can see in your actions described here that you worth the love that you seek... keep seeking... :)
KT

Anonymous - 8:01 PM - Feb. 2, 2006

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