The battle of my relationships

The relationships in my life all seem distructible to me:

 The people that made me: my parents and me have been battling since I was old enough to talk....I remember fighting with my mom and her telling me that "I was a pain in the ass since the day I was born".  It's so funny to me because they are very hypocritcal people.  My mom and dad were never suppose to marry...my mom came from a very strict Italian family and even in the 70's to marry a man who wasn't Italian was forbidden.  She was told that if she decided to chose him for a husband she was no longer a memeber of her own family.  Guess which one she chose? So things brings me to this point in my life.  I am 22 in a serious relationship, we live together, we both have full time jobs and we are judged.  Why you may ask? My boyfriend is Puerto Rican....which goes against everything my parents have raised me to understand...you cannot teach your children to accept all people and then say "we really didn't mean what we taught you, we were just saying it".  It has come to a point in my relationship that my boyfriend hates my mom and dislikes my dad.  With good reason!  My boyfriend never graduated from highschool and lived a life much different from mine.  He had to support his mother and bother all of his life.  There was no "father" figure around to do it.  So school verse enough food for your family to eat.  There is no debate.  He took a wrong path and made very bad choices which ultimately effected him to this point in his life 24 with no degrees and really no possessions.  My parents both came from poor families who had close to nothing and they worked their whole lives to get where they are now....comfortable.  I missed out on knowing who my parents really were because they were always working.  I was raised by babysitters.  My one babysitter who was my best friends mom still to this day calls me and my sister her daughters.  She did our hair for picture day, took us to the library to get books and wait for us at the bus stop after school.  It's sad really, they missed out on my life.  It's funny for me to think about it and for them not to understand why I hold so much resentment against them.  Sure I have let a lot go from my past, but there are some things you just can't change.  My relationships with people have struggled because of my upbringing and the hurt I carry with me everywhere I go.  Now I have to make new choices for my "own" life, just like my parents did twenty something years ago.  We haven't spoke in two weeks and in "parent time" thats a really long time.  I tired of treated like the outcast daughter and the one with all the "problems".  There are things that I must overcome without my parents.  Because honestly the only thing my parents were really good at was buying me things, but sometimes that just doesn't cut it.  If I die tomorrow would any of those possessions matter to me....would they save me, change my life, make me feel content with my life...I really don't think so...I do thank my parents though for leading by example of what I DON'T want me life to be like.  Even if things don't work out with me and my current boyfriend, I will still be me, the daughter they made, a dissapointment.  One day they will need me for something they can't handle on their own and maybe even ask me to help support them.  But I will be there to show them that they didn't break me. And without their help I made my life work, and a person who isn't the "all american guy" perfect asshole white boy had a lot to do with it.

1:18 PM - Jan. 20, 2006 - post comment

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i know how u feel about ur parents. i've pretty much exiled myself from them for a year now. my parents also had to work alot while i was growing up but they couldn't afford a babysitter so i pretty much had to raise my sister and brother by myself. like ur bf i also made wrong choices in my life. fortunately i got myself out before it was too late. puerto ricans and whites arent too bad of a combination but try to be an asian dude that dates white girls. we pretty much stick out like a soar thumb wherever we go. best wishes and take cares...
C.

4everlostnalone - 4:13 PM - Jan. 25, 2006

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