It's been way too long

Hey everyone....I have not written since MAY!!! That really is ridiculous I can't really believe it.  A LOT has happened to me...some good...some bad...lets just say my other last relationship did not work out and I am single and happy.  I must say it is not easy being single but for the type of things that have happened to me in the last seven months... I don't think its meant to be for me right now.  It is Christmas Day and I sitting at my brand new laptop.  Listening to Frank Sinatra to my new Ipod....Santa def. remembered me.  Haha...my parents got me an amazing laptop and my sister gave me the Ipod because I now work out all the time and the music at the gym is just torture.  So I totally pumped up and can wait to keep writing each day.  To some of the people that have read my blogs religiously I am so sorry for just dropping off the face of the earth....and let me tell you its a miracle I remember this freakin' password for this site.  Took me a couple of tries.  I have missed writing and promise to update often ....I need this release!!!! Muah! Merry Christmas....let the magic of Christmas carry with you all year long! Haha..i am so corny.

What I am listening to on my Ipod: Maneater- Nelly Furtado

8:34 PM - Dec. 25, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

New Job

Okay, so I got the job.  Yesterday me and Steve were spending the afternoon together and I got the call.  They told me I was the number one candidate...I am not bragging but I was shocked.  They made me a really nice offer, with nice benefits and I am really happy.  Steve, was so proud of me...he was beaming.  I really like him.  So yesterday I got a lot things done...because of having the day off.  But last night was a blast.  Steve's dad who you use to be a famous ECW wrestler is in a band called, Daddy Says So.  I love that name.  And they were playing at a little bar...they are good..not great but a lot of fun.  So I met Steve's dad last night for the first time and I just loved him.  He has this really long curly blonde hair and he plays the guitar(extremely well I might add) and he danced with me all night and took shots of course.  He was such a good time!  At the end of the night we were talking about Steve and he just was so cute about everything.  Telling me that Steve is his favorite person in the world and that he is so happy that we met each other.  He told me I was really pretty..and even joked with Steve..saying "Melissa who?" That's Steve's ex.  It was funny.  So after the show we(Me, Steve, Chuck, and the band) went out for breakfast at like 3 a.m. and I was really gone.  I couldn't even keep my head up. Steve was nice to me though he knew how drunk I was..haha.  I was celebrating!  So I am at work right now and it's weird I want to give this next week my all and prove that I am not just flaking out.  I typed my my resignation later today.  I am pretty nervous.  I just hate having to feel akward and I know I am.  People take everything personally but I have to do what's right for my life.  And missing out on this opportunity would be extremely bad.  But just say a little prayer that all goes well and no feelings get hurt.  Finally no more retail jobs!!!! Woo-hoo!  I know I wrote the other day I was embarased about telling Steve I was falling for him.  But believe or not he said he was falling for me too the other night.  I felt a lot of relief...I mean I don't want him to say anything he doesn't mean but it just felt good.  I haven't written in a while and I apologize.  But don't lose faith in me...I am getting my sh*it together! 

Song: "Livin' on a Prayer"- Bon Jovi

Movie: "Sixteen Candles"

12:15 PM - May. 20, 2006 - comments {3} - post comment

Return of the Ex

  Just when I thought my life was getting easier, butthead comes back into the pictures.  Well, not really.  Me and Steve were hanging out and my phone rang and it was Benny.  He asked me if I could bring the "rest" of his things to his job.  So of course "push over" me says "yes" and I packed up the rest and brought it to him. I made sure Steve came with me.  I must say in a weird way I was really hurt, he didn't/couldn't even look at me.  I felt somethings when I saw him, I was shaking.  I know he is a jerk and I know we are not right for each other but I couldn't help to feel things.  He was my boyfriend for almost a year.  It makes sense but still feels wrong.  Steve got quiet after our little drop off.  It wasn't like our normal hang out sessions.  And then for some reason I told him that I think I am falling for him..ahhhhhhh! Why did I say it?  I regreted those words this morning.  I wish I hadn't of said them and it is very out of character for me to say something like that.  It's not easy to let people in and when I do it seems to be too much.

  But still no word on the new job and I am getting mad.  It is getting down to the wire with a two week notice and starting training.  And it seems to me that I will have no time for a little vacation.  I will not start a new job without having a little vacation!  I need it so desperately.  Tonight is my cousin's college graduation.  We are same age...makes me feel dumb, but I am happy for her.  She is now a certified nurse.  I have to see my nutty grandmom tonight...I can't stand her!  She better not say a word to me.  I must go...thanks girls for the comments...makes me feel loved.   

4:37 PM - May. 17, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

Peace with God?

So I was suppose to get my cards read with my best girl, Alicia, but that day I was cooking Steve dinner(remember the taco mexican feast).  So she said the lady was awesome and told her to play the lottery.  So she played the numbers all week last week.  And on Saturday she won.  She won $1,000.00 which to doesn't seem like much...but I could use a thousand bucks.  So I have decided that I am going to see this lady soon.  Yesterday was an awful day...getting soaked in the pouring rain, got in a huge fight with my grandmom, fustrated over not hearing news about this new job, fustrated with my job now and I tripped yesterday and looked so stupid.  Just one of those days I guess.  But Steve came over last night and we watched Grey's Anatomy and we kissed all night and have a few drinks.  I love being around him...and as goofy as it sounds I think I am falling for him.  We had some steamy moments last night.   A little crazy too.  Just feeling each other out I guess.  Life is good though...I can't complain too much.  My friend Mel is coming over tonight to talk to me about religion.  She is a born again Christian...I am a bit nervous.  I don't know if I have found my peace with god yet.  But we are going to read the bible and talk and stuff.  Sounds kinda cool.  I have been so hungry it's ridiculous.  I don't know why.  But me, dad and Jayme are definitely going to Disney and I am so excited!  I am such a little kid.  Ta Ta for now!  xoxo

2:16 PM - May. 16, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

Don't feel like writing much

11:21 AM - May. 15, 2006 - comments {2} - post comment

I miss blogging

It's been hard for me write lately.  I am trying to be respectful to my boss and stay off the internet.  Plus I have been busy too.  This week has been a bit interesting.  But nothing major has happened...I am looking forward to the weekend.  Me and Steve are going to a party on Friday night at Bootleggers, he is staying over finally! and then on Saturday we are going to Atlantic City for the day.  And then of course Mother's day is on Sunday...so I am helping mom cook dinner(something italian) and just spending the day there.  I don't know what to get her yet.  I was thinking a liberty travel gift certificate so she can put it towards a trip to Italy.  But that's just an idea...I might change my mind, I often do.  I have been spending a lot of time with Steve just enjoying him.  We aren't anything official but who even knows if it will get that far.  I really feel for him and he is really good to me.  Hopefully this day goes fast.  I start to get anixious by Thursdays.  Last night my sister had a chorus show...me, my dad and Steve went.  It was long and boring but some of the music was good.  They sang the songs from "Rent".  I saw it on Broadway two years ago and I was obsessed with it.  You MUST see it.  I feel a little lonely today and little tired.  Chris Daughtry my love on American Idol got voted off...whats up with that?  But I must go...take care everyone!! xoxo 

Song:  Living in the Shadow- Ashlee Simpson

Movie:  Vegas Vacation   

12:06 AM - May. 11, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

Quick update

  I can't write much...just something quick.  I had a good weekend nothing too crazy.  Went out with Steve a lot. Kissed in the carwash.  Ran into old friends.  Steve met my parents.  Went to an amazing bar in Mannyunk.  Had a huge fight with Will.  Made up with Will.  Had our first BBQ of the summer.  Got a lot done today at work.  Just trying to keep busy...doing a pretty good job I think.  I hope I get that new job...I just don't know why but I just really have a good feeling about it.  But I must go...I get worried about being on here at work.  Since it is forbidden!  I keep hearing these stories about these young guys dying from drugs.  There is a bad batch of heroin going around my area and it's killed a bunch of people.  Mostly guys around my age that have been using for a while.  It really makes me sick to my stomach...it's horrible.  But I wonder why these handsome, nice guys are getting hooked on stuff like that.  Something to think about.  xoxo Bye all.

Song: Hold On-Good Charolette

Movie: Heathers     

4:15 PM - May. 8, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

TGIS

  So I am not allowed to use the internet at work anymore...which is kind of funny because I am using it right now to write this blog.  Yesterday, was a pretty sh*itty day for more than one reason.  The major one being my boss pulled me in the back and told me I was using my cell phone too much and "blogging" too much.  I don't think I am breaking to many rules but I understand where my boss is coming from.  Anything too much is wrong and I do use my cell a lot. I told you guys I am addicted to texting. 

  I think me and Steve had our first arguement last night.  I think.  Well we didn't really argue but I was mad at him.  Basically what happened was that we were at Finnegans Wake and it was me, Steve, Will and Shannon.  Me and Steve went off to dance and left the two of them for like a half hour.  Will got pissed off and flipped out at me.  But Will didn't say a word to Steve about it and Steve didn't stick up for me.  That pissed me off!  I felt like he should have said something.  But after a long quiet ride home I apologized to Will and it was over with.  But now as of this morning Steve is pissed at me because I was mean to him last nigh...oh well.  But last night when Will dropped me off he came in and feel asleep in my bed with me.  Nothing happened.  He wasn't under the covers and I was.  It was completely innocent.  But it's another Saturday at work...slow as usual.  Nothing really going on.  I splurged this morning and got McDonalds bacon egg and cheese biscuit...and I bought a sausage mcmuffin for a homeless guy that asked me to.  I felt bad.  But they forgot to put bacon on my sandwich and I am sure his was perfect.  Figures.  Oh well maybe that just means I didn't need that little bit of bacon.  Haha.  Thank god I have off tomorrow.  Who knows what I am actually going to do with my free time..considering I don't have much money.  Rent was due this week...yikes!  But I must go...much to do...work, work, work! 

Song:Temperature-Sean Paul

Movie:  Sin City        

12:07 PM - May. 6, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

Christopher

   Yeah, it's Cinco de Mayo!!! Big party day for everyone that is under the age of 25.  I think the only way to describe it is...a spanish mardi gras. 

   So yesterday I had off from work and it was a very productive day.  I woke up kinda late because of going out the night before.  Kinda late being 10:45 a.m. and I did laundry, cleaned the apartment, did more laundry, went to the library and did my online application, went food shopping so I could cook dinner for Steve and got ready for my interview.  So around 3:15 I went to my interview...I wasn't really nervous.  I just was myself.  I interviewed with four different people and not to brag but I think I nailed it.  One of the ladies walked me to my mom's office(because my mom works for the company) and told her she absolutely loved me and that I did amazing.  Which made me feel so nice. 

  So I rushed home to start cooking for Steve...I made this huge taco dinner.  Soft shells, hard shells, rice, beans, all the fun toppings...it was great. He was dressed in a suit from work when I picked him up and OMG!!! He looked so hot.  He ate like 12 tacos...haha!  That boy can pack away the food...but he has an amazing body.  Don't you hate him already!  So me and Steve had an "interesting" night and our friend Aaron came over to party for a bit.  The three of us are crazy together...no matter what the circumstance we party.  It doesn't matter if it is 12 o'clock and we have work at 6 a.m. the next day....which was exactly what happened last night.  So Aaron and Steve got f*ucked up and I stayed sober because I had to drive the two knuckelheads home. 

  But I told Steve that I write in an online journal everyday...which he teases me about constantly..."Are you going write this in your journal tomorrow?" is he favorite question to ask me.   So last night he was like...what's your middle name?  And honestly we have had this conversation one hundred times but we have been to drunk to remember...I forgot his too.  So he texted me at like 3 a.m. asking "if I tell you what it is(his middle name)..are you going to put it in your journal?" Like a jack ass!!! So I purposely titled this blog "Christopher" just to be funny.

  But the Will update is that he isn't calling me anymore...we kind of argued the other day in my car...I just feel stress with him.  Like a love/hate relationship...he makes me crazy...in a angry way and in a sexual way.  Which isn't good.  He texted me last night some stupid sh*it about having one of my Cd's...he just wanted to contact me.  But things are the way they are..I felt like he was making me choose and I won't.  It's just he way it is.  And if I do choose...it's going to be Steve.  Sounds mean I know.  

But everyone have a great day...party hard!  Happy Cinco de Mayo! Do a bunch of tequila shots...because you know I will!   

Song: B.O.B-Outkast

Movie: My Big Fat Greek Wedding

10:09 AM - May. 5, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

Freaky!!!

May 3, 2006 The indecisiveness that you feel in regards to certain issues is likely to become amplified quite a bit today, Tara. More than likely, you will find yourself going to extremes from one side of the scales to the other. Work with this energy by recognizing the beauty in both situations, putting your mind aside, and letting your heart be the final judge. It will probably be something beautiful and comforting that ends up catching your eye.   This was my horoscope today...isn't that freaky!!!! I love it!

11:32 AM - May. 3, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

Make up your mind already!

  So today is hump day...blah!  I have off tomorrow from work...which is kinda nice because I have lots to do and not much time to do it all.  I was thinking about cooking dinner for Steve tomorrow night.  I have to clean the apartment up and down.  Tomorrow is going to be spring cleaning day, thank god!  I need to get my life in order.  I am going to wash my car tomorrow too.  Clean it inside and out...vacuum.  That would make me so happy.  I went out on a date with Will last night and it went okay.  It wasn't spectacular to say the least but it was nice.  I thought about Steve though... I know what your thinking.  MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!  But I just can't hurt Steve.  I like Will...but there are a lot of maybe(s) with him.  I doubt the things he says and does a lot.  With Steve I never doubt him.  I mean I still have my guard up but not as much with Steve.  I guess I let it down a little. 

  I am kinda pissed off at my boss today and of course everyone else in my office.  She yelled at me about a file that wasn't mine because she f*ucked up!  So of course I hear shi*t about it.  Everyone in this office has a hidden adgenda I feel like...they all hate it here you can see it in their eyes.  They leave early constantly and I hate being the only one here Thursday through Monday. It's not fair.  I do get my weekends off which is nice but everyone acts like this job is just something they come to each day and don't really care about.  It bothers me.  I mean I don't pay their bills or sleep up in their beds but when their attitudes effect me and I have to deal with their laziness it bothers me.  And they are always picking on me too!  It's a good thing I like working in the city and what I do. 

  Is it bad to wish your life was different?  I guess I can change it all but it just seems like a lot of work.  I am pretty tired.  I know I am only 22..but I am tired.  I have worked a lot of jobs and done a lot of things.  I am ready for retirement...haha.  Just kidding about that.  I want to get my book started, lose more weight, have a healthy relationship with a guy I like, and finance all my money the correct way.  And maybe keep a job longer than a year for once in my life.  I ultimately need to get my life in order and become the best me I can be.  Whoever that is! 

Song: Love Song-311

Movie: Empire Records

11:23 AM - May. 3, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

I need advice-please read

  I F*ucked up.  I F*ucked up big time.  I can't believe how dumb I am.  I can't believe I let myself do what I did last night.  I went over Will's apartment to watch a movie...I am lying if I said I didn't have any idea that something was going to happen.  But I didn't think it was.  We were fine for a little while...just hanging out.  And then he just kept pushing me into this trap and we ended up kissing.  *~Breath~* And then we kissed some more.  He touched me a little and I touched him a little and it stopped at that.  But I wanted him so badly.  Like I haven't wanted a guy like him in so long.  I was just looking at him last night and he is just my perfect type of guy, he is just so hot.  I love the way he looks.  It's weird because looks aren't really that important to me.  I am just attracted to him.  And I could see myself being serious with him.  Which I haven't felt yet with Steve or Gabe.       

  But wait....why am I even thinking about that? I just totally destroyed all trust between me and Steve and there is no way that me and him could ever start anything serious.  I feel like I need to tell him pronto...and the other part of me is like...I am going to hurt him.  I need advice...what the f*uck should I do!??!??  Yes technically I am single...yes technically I am dating Will's best friend.  But shouldn't that mean something to him?  And not just something to me? They have a pretty weird relationship.  I don't really understand it.  But they are close.  I mean as of right now I don't have that many options.  One tell Steve...and see what he says and does.  Or not tell Steve and secretly date Will.  But none of those options sound like a good idea.  I am a honest person...I have a guilty concious, this only happened last night and I am already thinking about telling Steve.  I am sure I am not the only person that has been in this situation and honestly I think it was bound to happen..sooner or later.   Will asked me out on a date tonight.  I have to talk to Steve.  I need to get my head straight.  Please help me. 

Song: Stupid Girl-Garbage

Movie: My Best Friend's Wedding

10:09 AM - May. 2, 2006 - comments {3} - post comment

So Confused

  I am so confused right now.  I need to vent about some things right now because I can't seem to make sense of things.  I always get myself into these types of situations(like drama follows me).  Ok....the new update is this.  Friday night I had a big party...Will(Steve's best friend) met a new girl and decided not to come to the party and spend the night with her.  Which is fine.  But he never called to tell me he wasn't coming and that pissed me off because he gave me so much sh*it for stuff like that. 

  So on Saturday he sent me some nasty text message referring to me as a slu*t.  So I freaked out at him.  We talked it out and he didn't call till later that same night and everything was fine.  But yesterday I went for a drive on my own and he called and asked if he could come with me.  So we drove around and went to my parents house and sat on their deck in the sun, had drinks and talked to them.  He met my sister and he got along well if everyone.  He came back to my apartment and we watched part of Snatch and thats when it all started.  I felt like this strong tension between us and we were kind of play fighting.  I gave him a little massage(I know it sounds horrible)but it was totally innocent.  If I think about it now I think to myself....what was I thinking??  I am dating his best f*ucking friend! But then he told me that he wanted to kiss me...ahhhh...I can't even think about it.  I wanted him so badly.  I don't know what it is?  Is it because I know I can't have him that I want him so badly?  I am telling you the moment I met him I wanted him.  And that was before me and Steve got together.  I feel like I make the wrong decisions a lot.  I feel like I never do the right thing.  What I have decided is that I am going to do the right thing...no matter what that might be.  I can't come in between two best friends because I want something that I can't have.  I can't be selfish.  It sucks.  Will keeps telling me to trust him and know that he isn't going to do anything to me...but its not him I don't trust.  It's myself.  I don't feel like I am being fair to Steve.  If situations were switched I would be totally hurt.  And of course I would be completely pissed off.  That's how I know what I am doing isn't right.  But you can't have your cake and eat it too.  I don't even like cake that much.  I can't stop thinking about Will.  I feel like I am boy crazy and just such a mess.  I need to become a nun.  My mom actually wanted to be a nun for a little while when she was younger.  That's weird.  But smart thinking when it comes to relationships and having to deal with this stuff.  My heart hurts.  Can't I just have them all?  I mean its not a horrible situation like...having more than one person who likes you and you like them isn't the worst thing in the world.  I can think of much, much worse.  I just wish things were more clear to me and easier to understand. I was thinking about getting my cards read...see what they say.  There is a lady that reads cards in my area...said to be pretty good.  Maybe I'll go this week.  Or maybe I just runaway somewhere.  Ahhhhhhhh!    

12:08 PM - May. 1, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

Oasis Lyrics

Oasis- Wonderwall

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me (that saves me) 3X

10:52 AM - Apr. 28, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

Ew!!

  So it's Friday.  This day is the day I have been waiting for all week.  It is here and I can't wait for it to be done.   Things are a bit weird right now.  Not exactly sure why?  But just that feeling.  I have been kind of feeling guilty about the way I ended things with Gabriel.  He told me that I hurt him today.  That makes my heart hurt.  I hate feeling like I did the wrong thing and I feel that way.  He told me today that he thought me and him could have been serious.  Which makes me think...do I know anything about any of people that I meet?  I am a good person though, why do I always feel like the a**hole.  Geez my life is so complicated at times and I can't figure out why.

  Work is quiet and there isn't much for me to do.  I might be interviewing for a new job.  It is in my mom company and it pays well.  I just feel a bit unstable here because of the lay offs and everything.  O...the thought of of another "new" job.  Stressed out already!

  Tonight is the Singles Mingle in Philadelphia.  I am invited to go along with eight friends.  I am not definite who is going yet but hopefully its more than three people at least!  It's a Vegas style party with lots to do and Cascada(Everytime we touch) is performing there tonight.   I am pretty excited, except for the fact that I have nothing to wear at all.  So on my lunch break I am going to run around like a crazy girl and try to find something.  Something sexy. 

  I feel a little depressed today.  Ew....that's not good.  I don't know what to think right now. 

Song:Wonderwall-Oasis

Movie: Sin City

10:48 AM - Apr. 28, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

New light in a dark place

  So it's Thursday...it's pretty bad that I have been dreaming about this weekend since Monday.  I think it's because the weather is nicer and everyone is taking personal days and enjoying the new spring season.  Me on the other hand having this new job doesn't really give me that leisure. 

  I changed up my template because I just felt like I could use a change.(Lena inspired me to do so!)  Last night I had my first little break down...internally.  I haven't cried since the obligatory break up with Benny.  Isn't that amazing.  Within those ten months of dating Benny I think I cried everyday for at least eight months.  Hmmm...and I wondered why we broke up?  I haven't felt so happy about my entries lately.  I have felt like I have been rambling on about guys and my issues with them..and honestly there is so much more to me and my life then just men. 

  I have felt these inspirations lately to get my first book started.  I know I can do it...its just getting my ideas in order.  Since as long as I can remember I had this passion for writing.  I use to get these strong stomach pains and have to get out my notebook and get my ideas out.  I use to write poetry, stories and songs.  Now it's more like random thoughts and short entries on a online journal.  My, My have times changed.  I think I need a lot of improving in my writing and a lot of improving within myself.  Maybe that will come with time.  

  I saw the movie, Hostel (Tarantino) last night...and let me just say how F*ucked up people are in this world(I know its a movie-not reality) but still.  Like I could just see this movie being based on truth.  I haven't seen a gruesome movie like that in a long time.  Like I couldn't even look at the TV for a most of the movie and I don't usually get like that.  For those of you that have a weak stomach.  Don't see it.  Story line was pretty good.  But I felt a bit dissapointed in Tarantino it was hard for me to see his "style" in this movie.  Like most of his movies just have this feel to them.

But I  hope everyone is doing good...staying happy,in love,content.xoxo  

Song: Caress Me Down-Sublime

Movie: Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead      

10:21 AM - Apr. 27, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

Making Decisions

10:06 AM - Apr. 26, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

Mean Girl

11:53 AM - Apr. 25, 2006 - comments {1} - post comment

~Lying in a gutter, looking up at the stars~

  It's Saturday and it's raining.  I had a pretty rough night last night and I was forced to drive to work(or I would have been late)...which means I have to pay $22 for parking...yikes!  But I just like knowing I have my car down here and I can just jump in it at 5 and zoom on home. Haha...So I had off yesterday and the day went really well.  I didn't get much done..more like I didn't get anything done.  I woke up around 11 a.m. which is pretty late for me because of my daily routine I am use to.  The night before I goofed up....For all of you who know 4/20 as a holiday like me you would understand what I am about to tell you.  Thursday I had ran into Gabriel for a little ciggy break and we talked about smoking.  Since it was a holiday.  So after work we went to his place and celebrated.  I had told Steve we were going to go out that same night but dumb me lost track of time and winded up taking a really late train and not getting home till tenish.  Steve was mad and I can't blame him.  I pretty much d*icked him over.  So he told me he was going to come pick me up and then never showed.  I let him have that as his own little dignity because of feeling like I did him a little dirty.  So I passed out on my bed in my clothes as soon as I knew he wasn't coming.  But yesterday he got done work at like 12:30 and we drove around all day together.  It was gorgeous and I even got sunburn on my one arm thats near the window.  We spent 5 hours together talking and driving...it was really nice.  I dropped him off because we had both needed to get ready to go out and of course Will is blowing up my phone...he was freaking out at me that Steve never calls him anymore and that he is always with me.  He basically was acting like a little jealous girl and I told him that.  I didn't understand what his deal was.  DRAMA...that I didn't need.  Will seems very emotional and very up Steve's butt.  I know thats kind of mean.  But everything got worked out and we actually all went out together last night.  I am not trying to brag but I loved my outfit.  It was this really hot black lacey shirt and jeans...this new belt and this hot new black heals I bought.  I finally felt a little good about myself.  We went to the Lagoon and then Fat Tuesdays down the city.  It was really cool because this girl I was talking to actually bought me a drink and gave me some of her marti gras beads.  She was absolutely gorgeous. I have such an appreciation for beautiful women.  But I really have an appreciation for all women.  I have no issues checking a girl out and saying a girl is hot.  But the new thing is I think that Steve really likes me(the feeling is pretty mutual)...like I think that he could really see himself with me.  But at the same times he is torn...which is perfectly fine with me because I feel the same way. 

  Not to be totally off the subject but I feel very uncomfortable at work right now.  It seems that I can't do anything right lately.  I haven't had the best attitude this week about work but neither does anyone else in this office.  I can't help to feel a little unhappy here because I just don't know if this is a good fit for me.  Who knows?

  But I must be going....have drawn this blog out long enough...xoxo

1:25 PM - Apr. 22, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

90

okay everyone!!! I am on my 90th entry...I actually wrote a lot today...too much actually.  But I did it!! Seems like only yesterday I just started my first blog<~~~ such a dorky word for a online journal.  But thanks to everyone who reads my blog...your the best...I feel like I am accepting an Oscar or something...haha..

4:11 PM - Apr. 20, 2006 - comments {2} - post comment