Step by step

Posted on Dec. 19, 2005 at 13:30 - Post Comment

After reading some blogs here I got an impulse to write about things that happened to me, things I have never told to anyone, feelings I have never shared with anyone. I want to write about trust. 

When I was 16 I fell in love. It is a normal thing, isn’t it? There was everything: long walks holding hands, late night talks, hot kisses under the fool moon. Very romantic. But one day my bf  told me it was not enough, he wanted to get more, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to give him that. As any 16 years old girl I had my own fears. I was afraid and asked him to wait till I would feel ready for that. My logic was easy: if he loves me he will wait. He had different ideas of out future: he broke up with me. Nothing unusual, such things happen quite often. But from the day we broke up none of my friends talked to me. I don’t know what he had said to them, but people whom I have known for the whole life betrayed me. I can called it only  “betrayal” because they believed something that they were told and none of them tried to find out whether it was true or not. They just turned their back on me and so I lost all my friends on one day. It was hard because we were neighbors, our parents were friends, we lived in one city….From the day I understood I have no more friends I lost the power to believe in people, to trust them. And till now there are big consequences of that. It is hard to live without people whom you can fully trust. After school I entered the University, new people, new friends – I don’t know whether I can call them ‘friends’ because I don’t trust them, but they trust me. You know there are people like me, who always is ready to help, to give an advise, to talk about your problems, who can help you to go through all the difficulties you come across. So I am such a person. People like me, they like that I am always in a good mood, that I am positive in all senses. They just cannot believe I can have problems. I am a girl who easily gets everything she wants – it is an opinion of my friends. And I am really so, just I don’t talk about my problems, about my feelings. I don’t want to trust people, because I don’t want to be disappointed again. But I also understand that life without trust is hard, you are keeping everything in yourself and you cannot share your problems with anyone. May be it was the main reason why I started writing in the blog. You know last years were very difficult and now I am learning how to trust people. Very slow. Step by step.  It is difficult, but I’m strong enough to do it. And for you I just wish: Don’t lose the belief in people, the power to trust them. You need it.

trust...

Posted by 4everlostnalone on Dec. 19, 2005 at 16:33-Link

lena... its amazing that you write about this topic because its one where i have a hard time with also. like you, i am everybody's good friend. i'm always the first one who offers my help to anyone that i think needs it. as you are trying to do now, i slowly try and trust a few people as much as i can, but never quite completely. through all of my years, i have yet to find someone who i can even remotely trust. once i start giving them a little of myself, something happens for them to betray the little trust i give them. perhaps i am too cynical or maybe i've just been having problems with people i meet. who knows... i might just be a bad judge of people's characters. i admire you because you still have that basic sense of trust. women like you are like a rare gem. i hope your special someone appreciates what he has and never betrays your trust in him. it might be too late for me... but please try and keep the faith that most people are basically good at heart. have a wonderful day,
Chol