i do care

Posted on Sep. 24, 2006 at 20:13 - Post Comment

i wonder how can one just cut me off his life without any explanations. ok, may be i am not "the ideal girl"  but at least i think i do deserve to know what is this all about... it is not just easy to forget all about the person whom you have known for almost a year now... but there are still people who somehow really manage this. i dont know what to say...i would like to say i dont feel anything about this but it is not true - i do feel... may be even more than i would like to. it is unbearable in some way because i never thought it can be just like this. i try to be honest with myself, it is quite easy and i have lots of answers to the questions which never have been asked... and i wonder if they ever will...

everything is so different now, it is as if i am living a different life or better to say that someone else is living a different life, my life and i go with this different girl the same way watching her living my own life. and i dont want to take any part in it because i dont like how it is but still i have no choice but to come back in it - and i do come back, a bit more with each new day and it hurts more with each coming day... because coming back means to deal with all the feelings and emotions i tried to control these weeks. i am not sure if i am able to...well... it is not true... i am able to but i am afraid i am not ready to it... but i cant give me more time because the longer i wait the more difficult it may be to come back into life...sounds strange, doesnt it?

all i know about me and my feelings is that it would be so much easier not to care about this, not to love him, not to wait but human nature is sometimes so unpredictable (or may be predictable) that i cant ... i just do really care and thats all i can say now.