because of you

Posted on Jul. 23, 2006 at 03:05 - Post Comment

many years ago i had a very bad experience, the one that determined my life and let me be what i am now. i am what i am but i am so in that way because of a person (even some persons) that hurt me a lot, it was so hard to start trusting people again after that but i did it and am proud of myself, still there are some marks  left that make my life harder - i am trying to get rid of them but i cant do it by myself. our past is always with us, no matter how much we want to lose it and to meet the present and the future without any bad memories. it is impossible, we cant erase our past, because it is the part of ourselves. may be we need it, may be not - it is a great experience though sometimes a too sad  one. today i am finally able to look back to my past and understand that it was not my fault that it went wrong, that i lost people who  i supposed loved me (they didnt ... otherwise they would have never betrayed me in that way). i learned a lot from that experience, but what i learned all was wrong...and i cant be quite thankful to this experience but i am because finally i am able to do what i should have done many years ago.. i am able to forgive and live my own life without having any regrets and fears. i know now that i am a good person, at least not worse than other people and i also may make mistakes and i also may be unwise but i AM good, though sometimes i have great doubts about that...

strange but all i wanted to do was to post here the lyrics of the song that made me think of my past but instead i wrote something really personal, something that i never shared with anyone, some my fears and doubts, some my very secret thoughts. may be i've grown up and am able now to share these thoughts just with my blog and then may be with someone else.

i know that i am not that girl anymore who was betrayed by her "very good special friends" in that way that it changed her forever but i also know that i never will be able to be same person, no matter how hard i try  - i will always need a lot of time to believe in people again. but when i start trusting anyone new in my life it means that that person is even more than special ... there are only 4 persons in my life whom i trust completely (may be i am wrong though) and who will get any answers if they really need them. 

Doubts

Posted by abhay on Jul. 25, 2006 at 03:39-Link

Having doubts about slef is not good from any point of view. Believe in yourself, it will help you dispel any bad notions.

Have a good day!