empty
Posted on Jul. 21, 2006 at 19:48 - Post Comment
i want to cry right now, and really dont know why.. last days i cant explain what is happening to me. i'm afraid i am emotionally absolutely empty. i doesnt mean i have no emotions, well i have lots of them but i really cant explain the way they appear. i feel stressed and melancholic and nervous, i have more than usual fights with my sister, i want to cry all the time, and thats all cant be explained in a very sensible way. my life is fine right now, no big problems, no pains anymore, only sometimes headaches but they cant be compared to the pains i had before, i am still in love and i am loved - these are things that should make me happy but they really do not... well.. i AM happy but on the other hand i'm afraid thats not enough, i feel confused and i dont know why, i feel weak and i dont know what to do with this, i feel empty and i am afraid of this. i am afraid of my emotions and i really dont know what to do. every single day in my life i took decisions, right or wrong, but they were mine. now i dont feel like i want to take any decisions, just want anyone who can take all the decisions for me, to say me where to go and what to do - i really feel like a robot now, or like a very little child who needs to be taken care of. strange but now when i am writing this entry i am actually crying - first time i cry when writing a blog :) but i guess it is exactly what blogs are made for, they help us to put down what we feel and what we think. i feel really lost now, there is only one thing that i know for sure - i am so much in love that it even can hurt, may be thats good so, because these feelings show me that i am still alive, can feel, can need something, can want something. pity that there is no magic which can make all our wishes come true, i need the magic that could put me to the place where i can be with the one i love. i need you so much, i even couldnt imagine that it is so muchUntitled Comment
Posted by lena on Jul. 21, 2006 at 21:02-Link
i never did it before - i mean a comment to my own entry - but i just feel lazy tolog in and add anything there. i just wanted to say that no matter how bad i feel (and in a strange way even after taking a shower it was only getting worse) or how difficult all this is to explain to me i will try to stay strong as i always was. life is indeed hard but i was always able to go through all the obstacles and will do the same now. it is my life and it is given me only one time, so i have to do my best to live it :)
have a good day, world
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