| The Death of a Maple Bar |
interesting (not really)so anyway, i just typed up and big mess of words and then something happened so now i have to do it again which pisses me off. so i'm just going to summarize. basically i have no friends and it's pissing me off because i'm on the forensics team which should mean that i have a few friends but no one is trying to be my friend. grr. oh and i can't forget to take my meds because bad things happen. that's basically it. oh and i'm going back to colors bc it's fun!1:28 PM - Sep. 11, 2007 - comments {0} - post commentwhy?Why doesn't anyone want to be my friend? I try, I really do. But nothing works. I'm still alone. I wish I wasn't in college. I wish I was still in high. Ah high school how I miss thee. Why won't you come back to me? Why did I have to grow up?6:14 PM - Sep. 7, 2007 - comments {0} - post commentlonelySo i'm lonely. you can probably tells this by the title. i just started college and i've been here almost two weeks and i've yet to make ANY friends. i'm even on the forensics team and they aren't even my friends. sure they all pretend like it but i'm pretty sure that they only talk to me because they feel obligated. i feel like i'm slipping into some void where i don't exist. where people only notice me because i take up space in the hallway or in class. it's not fair, everyone is walking around and laughing and talking and going to parties but i'm not. i don't understand why no one will include me in anything. i can't stand it anymore!10:11 PM - Sep. 3, 2007 - comments {0} - post commenti'm back!!!It has been forever since I've been here but this afternoon I decided that to keep myself from going insane I need to talk to myself online so I'm doing just that by continuing this, my deserted blog.Enough of that. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life. In truth, I really don't ever want to grow up. I just want to continue my life as a high school student living in my parent's house. Hey, it has it's benefits; a roof over my head, a meal every night, money for gas and other things. The problem is that they haven't yet created a "don't grow up" syrum so I'm stuck growing up and living on my own but I can still be scared. Besides the fact that I have no idea what I'm going to do I have no money so I don't know how I'm going to do anything once I figure out what I'm going to do. Did that make sense? Oh well, it made sense to me and since I'm talking to myself it really doesn't matter whether it makes sense to anyone else. So anyway if you would like to see my sad attempts at the written word go here. Bear with me while I try and discover some hidden talent that doesn't really exist. So anyway I will close by saying that it's good to be back. ~Rai Thompson~ 4:45 PM - Sep. 12, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentDay 6,122Alone My tears stream down my face as I watch his tail lights fade into the distance the dull ache in my chest is my heart shattered into millions of pieces I cannot go on he was everything my life, my world and now it is gone along with my soul he has so much power that he is able to take my heart and soul leaving the rest to rot and die fade away into nothingness I cannot, will not ever love again it hurts too much when he is gone yet it hurts to be alone alone for eternity. 5:31 PM - May. 24, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentDay 6,094The Wall My smile, my laugh, fake, not real my friends, can I call them that? Are they genuine? or are they wearing masks Would they care if I cried? If I died? would they shed a tear if I wasn't here is there anyone in the world who gives a damn I can't destroy this false faηade this wall that I have constructed like the wall in Berlin only my wall won't crumble the wall between me and the rest of the world. Untitled When the world ends I want to stand atop the highest mountain and watch it crumble, watch it collapse fall into the deep, dark abyss that is the end and I will laugh, I will cry, I will fall to my knees humbled by fear and shame and as the world falls I will cry out to the heavens and the earth a wordless cry of pain and heartache then I will die with everyone else because I am not invincible I feel things, even though I don't show it I hurt and no one knows I cry and no one sees I die and no one cares I am invisible and that's all I'll ever be. 3:47 PM - Apr. 26, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentDay 6,079Hello again. I bring greetings from "The City." If you don't know what I'm talking about then please go here. Like it? Well I think that it's so cool! I really don't have to post from my "library" but I do have an idea for a cool story. It's not really developed all the way but basically its going to be about a girl named Ridley Phoenix who has to move to Nevada from NYC and has an interesting adventure. It doesn't sound very good yet but I'm not finished, at all. Well I suppose that's all for now.10:28 PM - Apr. 10, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentDay 6,071 Wondering what the title means? Well I will enlighten you; it means that I have been alive for 6,071 days. If you want to know how old I am then you do the math. As for who I am, well my name is Kaelie Andrews. Is this my real name? Well that's for you to decide. I mean no harm, I am merely here to write; to get all my ideas out there for people to see; to get my thoughts down before they get away. I'm not crazy, merely misunderstood. You may come here thinking that this is just another f u c k e d up teenager complaining about life but that is where you are wrong. I don't care about anyone else's problems so I really don't think that anyone else cares about mine. No, this is merely a place for me to come when I just need to ramble. My ramblings may about anything; from a poem that I wrote to what I thought about the lecture I was forced to endure in a class. So to those of you who are planning on coming back... ...Happy Reading 5:41 PM - Apr. 3, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentrecent eventsDue to recent events, I have decided to suspend this blog. This does not mean I'm ending it forever. I am merely putting it into a temporary state of hibernation, or whatever you want to call it. I will start a new one and only those who are trusted and interested will be given this URL. Thank you for reading and have a nice life.~Rai Thompson~ 5:06 PM - Apr. 3, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentit's been awhileBoy, it seems like I haven't been here in forever! when in reality its only been 10 days, lol. Well I wouldn't say a lot of things have happened since then but a few have.First of all I had to do a How To speech in Speech on Monday and it was horrible! Ted had to do his before mine and it took like 30 minutes so I really didn't have time for mine. I just froze, I couldn't think of anything to say and I don't think that it made time. At lunch I told Ted and Mr. Miller that I was going to castrate someone which is true. On Tuesday I watched Karla and Emma move Karla's bed to her dad's house because she is moving out of her mom's house for good. I think that it is a very good thing for her b/c her mom is a psycho from what I've heard. Then on Wednesday Emma and I went with the Drama as Lit. class to go see Julius Caeser in Havre and it was so much fun. The play was kind of boring but the bus trip was a blast! On the way up I talked with Kyra, Wyatt, Taylor and some other people about castrating people and Mr. Rennick got so mad at me because I was extremely hyper! On the way back and I mean ALL the way back Emma, Elliot and I talked about God knows what. I don't really remember what we talked about and I was really worried about it but Elliot didn't say anything on Thursday so I figure that I'm safe. There was no school on Friday and I got my hair highlighted. It looks really good! My dress for prom is SO pretty, I LOVE IT!!!!!!! Well that's about it for now! ~Rai Thompson~ 3:18 PM - Mar. 25, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentit's official...I am staying at my dad's house full-time. I'm sick and tired of my mom's games and I don't want to walk on glass to make her happy when I know this will never be resolved. She says that if I don't abide by all these retarded rules I can't stay at her house.(example: I cannot argue with my brother. I don't even mean big arguements. I mean any disagreement at all. He could tell me the sky is purple and I can't even tell him he's wrong. That is so frusturating! What are brothers and sisters supposed to do but fight? Especially with a five year age difference.) She will literally kick me out. Also she tells me to clean my room when there's practically nothing on the floor but maybe a shirt and a pair of socks or something. It's my room and I should be able to have it how I want it. I mean compared to Emma's room, my room is spotless. (Sorry Ems, but it's true. LoL...) Anyway, there are a bunch more stupid things I have to do, and with all that piled up on everything else she does...I don't want to live with her. It's hopeless. There is no way in hell we are going to ever get along! I've tried. I've altered my life way too much to make her happy and I'm tired of it. So I'm going over today and picking up lots of my stuff. (That is, if I get off my butt to do so. I probably will. I've already gone to Albertson's to get vegetable oil to make brownies. Yum... And I saw Emma at the grocery store too. Yay... Well that's all for now. I think it is anyway....°**°.*°..°*.°**°.
.°**°.*°.*°. Karura .°*.°*.°**°. *°..°*.°*.°* *°.*°.*°..°* 11:43 PM - Mar. 19, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentnew anime...I just bought three new Anime series! I bought the second season of Inuyasha, the first season of Ah! My Goddess, and the first season of Chobits. Here are the pictures of them:   I can't wait for them to get here. But I'll have to because they won't be hear until at least March 28th and at most April 11th. That seems like forever! But I shouldn't complain. I got them really cheap and thy're still brand new! I could have bought the Inuyasha box set alone for about $120, but instead I got all three box sets (which are also close to $100 each) for about $170. That's a pretty good deal if I do say so myself! YAY... I'm so excited...When they get here I will have to have an Anime party at my house. Have I mentioned that I can't wait? LoL... .°**°.*°..°*.°**°.
.°**°.*°.*°. Karura .°*.°*.°**°. *°..°*.°*.°* *°.*°.*°..°* 12:24 PM - Mar. 18, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentwimpyyep, thats me. I'm the biggest wimp in the world! So there is this guy who is in my 4-H club and he's fun to talk to and stuff so I figured that it would be okay to ask him to prom. Only problem is that I can't do it! I had two opportunities today and I can't do it! that's about it, for now.
~Rai Thompson~ 4:20 PM - Mar. 15, 2006 - comments {2} - post commentfun weekend...I
had such a fun weekend. On Friday, after I stayed after school to
practice the duet Morgan and I are doing for music festival, I called
up DeAndra and she asked if I wanted to go to the Cottonwood for the
kick-off to Relay For Life. I said that I would go and I left about
6:50. When I got there, there was absolutely no parking. It was packed.
I was lucky though, because someone was just pulling out of their
parking space. Anyway, I didn't know where this thing was at or if we
needed to pay to get in, etc. so I called up DeAndra again. She was
just getting to her Grandma's house so she told me to wait in the
lobby. So I did and I watched the Weather Channel. It wasn't very
interesting. A couple minutes later, Josh Dunn and Jared (crap...I
don't know how to spell his last name....He's Tanica's BF) came and sat
down next to me. Apparently they were waiting for the pool to open up
because there was a birthday party in there. They left after about a
minute to watch a DVD in Jared's car.
We parked about two houses away from her house because there are always so many cars by her house. If you didn't know that that's how it always is, you would think there was a party going on. When we went inside, Emma and her dad were eating, so DeAndra and I sat with Emma at the table and watched her eat (we're great friends) and her dad watched a movie in the living room. When she was finished, we all went downstairs and DeAndra showed us the dress she is going to buy for next year's prom. It's gorgeous! Here's what it looks like:
Man, I wish I could fit into something like that, but it'll be a long time, if ever, for that to happen. Anyway, back to the weekend, then we pretty much talked for the rest of the night. Let me tell you, there have been strange conversations in that room...LoL..."pickled penis"!! DeAndra had to go home at 10:00, but I stayed until 11:00 or 11:30. When I got home, my dad didn't even notice that I was home later than I said I would be. Cool!
On Saturday, I had to work from 10:15-6:15. It was a so so day. Not too busy but not to slow. Nothing of importance happened. When I was heading home, I called DeAndra to see if she wanted to come over and work on her website for JMG, which is here. It's not much right now, but we will add and change stuff a little bit at a time. Well, anyway, when I called, she told me that Emma was staying over and asked if I wanted to too. So I got a pair of pj's and went on over.
When
I got there, DeAndra was doing dishes, so I tapped on the window by her
sink to let her know I was there. When I went in, her dogs barked at me
like they always do. And Joe asked, "Who invited you?" in a sarcastic
tone. When DeAndra was finished (she had to let a huge pot soak), we
went to pick up Emma and get groceries. We then went back to DeAndra's
and Emma and I raided her room. Emma did most of the raiding, looking
for DeAndra's "stash" and "toys" (which, btw, she doesn't have. It's
kinda obvious, but now it's in writing.) After that we went to the
living room and watched Rundown. It's a really good movie. Maggie, my
favorite of DeAndra's dogs, came and sat on my lap in the chair and
later on in the night laid down beside me on the floor. All three of
the dogs are pretty strange.
In the morning, I woke up at about 11:30 and DeAndra's mom was making pancakes. Yum... She told me to turn on the TV to wake up DeAndra and Emma, so I turned it to Blues Brothers 2000. That's a funny movie. We had pancakes and eggs for breakfast. I felt like I was going to explode after eating that much. After that, we decided to go to Fort Peck to see Bonnie and Don's new house. We took DeAndra's car to Fort Peck. It's been forever since I've been there. Ah...the memories... Well, their house was awesome. It was really cool even before they moved in but now it's amazing. We took a grand tour and then Bonnie offered us cookies and Diet Pepsi. We then went outside and played fetch with the dogs. It was kinda cold out, but it was still fun. Right before we left, the main topic of discussion was "goose sh*t". Don kept talking about it and how you can see it all the way from the window. It was kinda funny. We went back in town but we still had a while before the movie at 4:10 so we went over to Grandma Dean's (DeAndra's grandma) and had left-over Albertson's chicken and chips. I was so stuffed after that, I didn't think I could eat another bite. After
that we went to Nanny McPhee. I had to stop at my house and get money.
I still got there in time. It was a good movie. Kinda strange...but
good. Oh, and apparantly I could eat another bite because I had Reese's
Pieces and a large water. After the movie I went home and read a little bit out of my Memoirs of Cleopatra book. It's gonna take forever to finish that... *sigh* Oh well...I will finish it. After that, I went to bed. LoL...I also left my pj's and DQ shirt at DeAndra's house. I'll have to get those later. That
was pretty much my weekend. *looks back at the whole post* Holy Crap!
That was a lot of typing...as you can tell from my other posts, this is
the most I've typed for one post. .°**°.*°..°*.°**°.
.°**°.*°.*°. Karura .°*.°*.°**°. *°..°*.°*.°* *°.*°.*°..°* 12:58 PM - Mar. 12, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentpromyep, it's coming and I'm going. I wanted to go but now I really don't want to go. I don't have a date. I keep telling myself that I don't care whether I have a date or not but I think that I do because...well...I just do. Now I don't want to go because I'm not so sure if I'll have any fun. I can't back out though because my mom is making me a dress and I can't tell her I'm not going because she is totally and completely committed to making this dress. oh well, i guess I'm going.
If there is anyone out there who is close to Glasgow and wants to go to prom, let me know, i'm very avaliable. (lol)
~Rai Thompson~ 5:48 PM - Mar. 8, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentback to work...Today, I went back to work at the DQ and let me tell ya...my feet hurt like motherf*ckers!! Pardon the language, but that's how much they hurt. It was really strange going back after six weeks of no work. The feeling was a cross between being new there and not having any break at all. Peggy has a cold and Anita is kind of flustered. Most of it is because her nephew, Ryan White, works there now. He is so disgusting! I don't know what came over Kris to make her think that it was the right thing to sleep with him. I also can't believe she quit school. She says she's mature, but she is acting the exact opposite! I guess it's her life, but I hate standing by and watching her make so many huge mistakes..°**°.*°..°*.°**°. .°**°.*°.*°. Karura .°*.°*.°**°. *°..°*.°*.°* *°.*°.*°..°* 11:40 PM - Mar. 6, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentlifeI hate life, its such a b i tc h. I mean at one point you are surrounded by all your friends, your grades don't suck and you parents aren't being assholes and you think, life is perfect. Then what does life do? Stabs you in the back, my gosh, i wish life weren't so complex but then again if it were easy instead of being a b i t c h life would be slut.
So much has happened since my last post. For one thing my dad got drunk and backed into my truck. As if that wasn't bad enough he got mad at me for it. It made me so mad. Right this very minute I'm downstairs on the computer that no one knows has internet connection. I feel like a fugitive but I need my internet, my dad took my internet card, or I'll be cut off from the rest of the world.
A good thing that has happened is that I get to go to an Aerosmith concert. I'm so psyched about it. I just have to have good grades in order to go. I hope I do because I'm pretty sure I'll die if I don't get to go.
There's a lot more that I'd like to say but the stuff about prom will have to wait, I'm really paranoid that my dad will hear me typing.
~Rai Thompson~ 10:58 PM - Mar. 4, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentmy mom...My mom is really pissing me off right now. She got her job as a shift operator, and now she made a new custody schedule. She used to have it so we would be at dad's house for three days, then go to her house for five, then go back to dad's for a week and a half, then to her house for three weeks, etc. All she cared about was the fact that they got the same amount of days throughout the whole year. She didn't even care what an inconvinience it was for me to pack up my bags in the middle of the week just to stay at a different house for a few days. She doesn't realize how much that throws me off balance. Not as though I have much balance in my life the way it is, but that's not the point. I told her that I don't like it, so she told me to make my own schedule, but she put so many guidelines on it, it would turn out pretty close to her original anyway. I don't see the point. But now she's mad that I argued with her. She won't even talk to me. We live in the same town, a phone call away, etc. and yet, all she does is mail me letters saying how most teenagers aren't lucky to have two houses to go to. They only have one, so when they have a problem, they deal with it. She is accusing me of going back and forth when I'm having small problems with my other parent. I'm not that childish. But when she plays as many games as she does, she turns me away from my dad. Then I learn the truth and confront her, then I get landed in a mental institution. So of course I want to stay at my dad's. Not full time of course, but I did like the two weeks two weeks. It was about the right amount of time. I got to see each of my parents for awhile, but I didn't stay long enough to get sick of them or for one to turn me against the other. But that's never going to happen again. I either have to stick with her schedule, or stay at dad's all the time. Neither one of those sound good to me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.
.°**°.*°..°*.°**°. .°**°.*°.*°. Karura .°*.°*.°**°. *°..°*.°*.°* *°.*°.*°..°* 9:40 PM - Mar. 4, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentmy greatest fearI finally figured that i fear it more than anything; more than needles, more than bees, more than pain, more than work (lol), more than death, more than anything...
I almost don't want to say. I'm not embarassed or anything, it is a rational fear. I'm just afraid that if I admit it to the world, or at least to all the people who read my blog, I'll jinx myself and it will, i don't know, come true.
So here it is, my greatest fear; the fear of being alone or left out. I need other people in my life, i can't stand it when people do things without me, keep secrets from me or leave me out of things. When we do things with partners I actually freak out the night before we split into groups. I'm always afraid I'll be the odd woman out, that i won't have a partner. I'm so afraid that I will be alone the rest of my life after high school and I don't want to be.
~Rai Thompson~ 11:02 AM - Feb. 27, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentmardi gras and movie...Today I got up early (well not really early, just 8:30) and I went over to Emma's for awhile. Then we went to a Mardi Gras carnival where everyone was either under twelve years old, working, or taking someone under twelve around. I felt so out of place, but it was fun. Morgan had to work awhile, but she came down eventually. Emma and I both won a cake at the cake walk. We got put in "jail" by Morgan's mom. Morgan got "arrested" a couple times and she didn't even know who did it. When Morgan had to go home, we left also. We went over to Emma's house again and ate some of her root beer cake. It was actually pretty good.
After that we decided to go to the movies. We had the choice of Firewall or Curious George. We went to Firewall. It was pretty good, but I didn't care for the ending. It just stopped. There was no conclusion or anything. The plot also seemed exactly like Don't Say A Word. But aside from that it was an okay movie. Emma and I smuggled in food and drinks. It was so funny. We watched a movie, eating sour gummy worms, pixy stix, and gummy bears. I thought the funniest part of the day was when Emma took her dad's wallet and slipped into her purse when he was standing right there. He didn't even notice! So we both laughed at him and he had no clue why until she gave it back.
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.°**°.*°.*°. Karura .°*.°*.°**°. *°..°*.°*.°* *°.*°.*°..°* 10:00 PM - Feb. 25, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment
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Description umm... this is about the seventieth time i've changed this blog. I'm not going to write anything consistently real in here, because i don't feel like it. So some stuff might be random, weird, and perhaps fictional.
Home User Profile Archives Friends Recent Entries - **** this - Untitled - Untitled - some poems i wrote last year while i was bored in class... - list of my fears (some of 'em are kinda weird... lol) Friends - rai - Karura - anonymous |
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In
the middle of the movie, Joe came up and went to work. Then, we did
some channel flipping. There were some crazy cartoons. One had these
two guys with huge afros fighting with their nose hairs. And another
one had characters that were roleplaying. In that particular episode,
there was a gay guy that was wondering what it would be like if he told
his parents that he was gay. So the only part we watched was the end
where, somehow, the "parents" ended up dying and there was all this
chaos. So the guy said, "So this is what it'll be like when I tell
them." and there's all these dead bodies and everything. It was very
strange. I feel sorry and a little scared for america's youth and the
future of our country! Then, the movie Minotaur came on the
SciFi channel and we watched that. It was pretty good. There was some
guy that kept getting stoned from some strange gas coming out of a
skull. I'm getting tired of typing, so I won't tell about the whole
thing. After that, DeAndra started dozing off. We watched music videos
for the most part of the night. There were some pretty strange and
random ones. When DeAndra's sisters came home from babysitting at 2
o'clock in the morning, I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.
They called us wimps for not staying up later, but I don't care. I
think Emma stayed up later and watched some more TV, but I didn't.