The Death of a Maple Bar - have some analytical b u l l s h i t

The Death of a Maple Bar

have some analytical b u l l s h i t

I am a moron. Really. There are so many things that I wish I was and try to be, but it all feels like I look like I’m trying to hard, like I’m pathetic and sad. I wonder sometimes if I’m just trying to fit in or something, but I know that if I were trying to fit in I wouldn’t be acting the way I do. I guess I’m trying to be ME, but the problem is that I’m trying, when I should just be able to be me. It’s retarded, but there you have it, I suppose. Maybe I’m trying to be a likeable me. I don’t know. I feel like I’m trying to put myself into a certain box, to be a certain person, a certain stereotype/archetype. But the problem is that I can’t fit into just that one box, no one can fit into just one box. So I wind up switching boxes every day, and it’s just so exhausting. It feels like it’s all some big act. Sometimes I say what I think when I probably shouldn’t, and when I should, I clam up. It’s so lame, and it sucks major monkey ass. (are you gonna bleep that out, theBLOGS.net? hmm?) So. I’m not sure what to do now. I’m going to wear myself out if I keep doing this, but what’s the alternative? Am I even allowed to just smash the boxes and say “f u c k it,” and just BE me without any of this trying b u l l s h i t? God, I think I might even be trying when I’m writing this. I hate it. Maybe I should just make life easier by making a T-shirt that says, “Hey everybody! I’m a moron!!”

3:59 AM - Jul. 9, 2006 - post comment

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umm... this is about the seventieth time i've changed this blog. I'm not going to write anything consistently real in here, because i don't feel like it. So some stuff might be random, weird, and perhaps fictional.

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