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Change Is Coming Over Me...Things are so weird right now. With my work schedule all muddled and messed up I was sitting here trying to think about what I did this weekend so I could write a weekend update. It took me a few minutes to realize that it’s Thursday. Go figure.
Seriously though things are just weird right now. There are so many changes and so much going on… I don’t even know where to begin. It seems like everybody’s going through something. Do you know that I know 8 people who are pregnant right now? How did that happen? Well I know how it happened… but at first it was just Jessica now it’s everyone else in the world. I’m not by any means mad at any of it; it’s just a little crazy. Then there’s all these people I know who have begun to surface. People who I haven’t talked to in years are calling me or sending me myspace messages. I guess everyone wants to jump on the bandwagon while things look so good. This sounds like I’m complaining… really I’m not. I’m just… perplexed… yeah perplexed is the word I am, as Webster would say, “filled with uncertainty”. And again it sounds like a bad thing but it isn’t. I think that now that I understand what it feels like to go through serious change I now empathize with others who are going through similar life changes. Now this is kinda bad because then I overwhelm myself with their transitions when really I should be focusing on mine.
I am, however, getting over it, recognition is the first step to recovery in any area! Wedding planning is going well. I need to get some finances so I can purchase a labeling program that will help me organize all the addresses for both the announcements and the invitations. Once I get that I’ll be busy for about a week typing out address after address. It shouldn’t be too bad really it just needs to get done. So that’s about it! This has been a pretty boring blog, but at least I’m writing something. I’m ordering my wedding dress today so that’s exciting. Other than that I’m good! Linz 11:41 AM - Jun. 22, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentDon't Freak Out... I'm Getting Married!Hello everyone. I’ve been reflecting recently on the past year and how crazy it has been. With the whole Vincent part of my year aside it’s still been crazy. Being able to operate in my call, getting a new job, my brother graduating and moving to Northgate. It’s just been a busy year; and then you add all of the Vincent stuff to it and it goes to a whole new level of crazy. Really if someone told me that they were engaged after a few months of courting I’d be nervous too. I’ve come to the conclusion that pretty much nobody in the world is going to understand Vincent and me. Man… I don’t even understand Vincent and me. It’s just one of those God things… yeah, people have been talking about how they are just perplexed by us, how we got together, and how fast we are taking certain aspects of our relationship. Really all I have to say to that is trust us. And if you cant trust us trust God. And if you can’t trust God… then who can you trust really? So yeah that’s a little word from me on the relationship front. Do with it what you will.
I had to staple on Monday so my weekend update was nonexistent. Don’t worry though I am back and I hope that in writing out my entire weekend I say something that is at least remotely entertaining… here goes nothing…
Friday: Friday was a chill day for real. I drove Rillo home (who had spent the night) then came back home and got ready to see Vincent. We decided that this Friday I would drive out to see him. I didn’t mind at all and he gave me directions so when I left I was cool. After about an hour and a half I got to his place, we went out to get food and came home (his home) to watch… I don’t remember what it’s called but it was funny. Then we went to see the oldest house in Kent where Vincent did his Eagle Scout project. After that we went for a walk and then got some stuff together to go to the drive in. I was super excited because I had never been to the drive in before. Side Note: I could have gone to the drive in once with this boy named Andy. I was so excited! I was only 15 years old and he was 18 (yeah I had such great judgment back then I know). No guys had ever paid attention to me and he was good looking and popular. He asked if I wanted to go to the drive in with him and I said I had to ask my parents. Long story short they said no. When I asked why (you always have to ask why) my dad said, “I use to work in a drive in and I know what happens there!” So here I am a 15 year old girl never been kissed, never had a real boyfriend, never been on a date and my dad is saying no to possibly my first real boyfriend (or at least my first real date). I was traumatized and swore up and down that nothing would happen. To be honest I was insecure and wouldn’t know what to do or how to say no if he did put on the moves. So thank you dad for saying no… cuz yeah… my life could have taken a turn for the worse…
Back to Friday: The drive in wasn’t really all that great… at least the movies weren’t. And it didn’t help that both Vincent and I had about 3-5 hours of sleep the night before and had been up and active all day. Really the bottom line was we feel asleep. Yeah we missed both movies and woke up at the end credits of MI:3. So how was the drive in? Relaxing! Saturday: I had nothing to do on Saturday… what did I do on Saturday? I think I just hung out, cleaned my room, made food for the week, watched a movie, went for a walk, studied my word and went to bed…
Sunday: Happy Fathers Day to all my Dads out there! Church was great! We honored Bishop, the kids choir sang, there was cake! It was just great. Then I hung out with Vincent and had lunch. Then it was off to spend time with my family! Really that was it!
Life is good. That’s all I can say. I wish people would get a hold of God to the degree that they could live the life I’m living now. Don’t get me wrong I still have worries, trials and pain but throughout all of that I still have joy and perfect peace. It’s easy to live life for yourself and live by your own rules; because when things come your way you don’t have to answer to anyone you just deal with it. But then what happens when you’re not happy with the outcome of your life? You have to blame yourself. But life is different when you give it up to God. Yes, there are times when you’re not happy with your life; but then you remember that you are suppose to “count it all joy” when you face trials and that God really has your end result in mind! Really life is good if you know how you’re supposed to live it. So if you’re not happy with you life; or you see my life and think that there is something wrong don’t come to me a complain. Go to the Heavenly Father who is the author and finisher of us all. You can read this and think that I’m just quoting religious mumbo jumbo but if you haven’t fully given yourself to Jesus you have no room to talk. Try Him and I promise you, you will be satisfied! Linz 11:42 AM - Jun. 20, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentWeekend Stuff...Well I’m back to it. Back to work, back to job-hunting, back to the weekend updates… you know the usual stuff! This weekend was so busy it flew by. Unfortunately this was my last weekend with Vincent close by… it will now be about six months till I get to see him on a daily basis again. And I know, I know it’s good for us. People you don’t even need to say it… absence makes the heart grow fonder and so on and so forth… yeah I don’t care about that I just hope time flies and I’m glad he gets to spend this time with his family!
Friday: Friday we just packed. Pretty much for hours and hours we packed. Then it took us a few more hours (maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration) to move everything down to my truck (which was illegally parked in the garage). Let me just say that the UW on moving days is a mad house. People are all scrubby lookin’ and stinky. Yeah not Vincent but nearly every other man in the whole dormitory was nasty! When we finally moved all of Vincent’s stuff to my car he went to check how much money was on his card. He had about $14 left on there and the store was closed. So to save him the $14 we went to the nearest vending machine and cleaned it out! Yeah, I have licorice and jalapeno chips for days! Then we went off to Kent, moved everything into his new/temporary room, and relaxed for all of 10 minutes before hitting the road again! Since it was our Friday night/date night we decided we would just eat in so we went to Jones BBQ and got some ribs to go, grabbed a movie at Hollywood Video and went back to the empty dorm room. That was pretty much the extent of my Friday.
Saturday: Was really equally as busy. I cleaned my room and took care of some house cleaning things and then it was off to see Vincent for the last time at the U. It was fun and only sad when one of us would bring it up. It’s crazy that we are going from seeing each other everyday for hours to seeing each other three times a week and two of those times is church (and if you know us at church you know that doesn’t count for quality time). Anyway we hung out, took his TV to my place, worked on ministry stuff and then went for a walk around the UW for the last time with the RA perks. We went to this amazingly cool dormitory called Hansee Hall (I think). It’s all old school and brick with cool lights and a free game room. We played pool there and finally for the first time in a long time I beat Vincent at a game that requires skill! Go ahead and laugh but he beats me at nearly everything else so I am proud. After my victory we walked back to the empty dorm for the last time.
Sunday: I had the most frustrating Sunday morning I’ve had since I lived with my parents (nothing against them but waking up at 6am to go to church would frustrate anyone). I woke up to hear my roommate in the shower, which meant that I had to wait. It through off my whole morning but I bounced back leaving the house only about 5 minutes late. I go out to my car and hit the unlock button on my clicker thing and… my car does not unlock. So then I try to manually unlock it, which of course does not disable the alarm. So there I am in my Sunday sitting in my explorer with the alarm going off. Priceless. Since my car was unlocked improperly it refused to start. It took me about 5 minutes to get a hold of someone to take me to church. Once I finally got to church things went a whole lot smoother. Service was great and once it was over it was time to say goodbye to Vincent until Wednesday. We kept it from getting too sad and my brother took me to Radio Shack to fix my clicker. Once I got home I went to my room to change and saw that someone had been there. Vincent had left a card and some candy on my bed. It was really sweet and really made my day that much better. Then it was off to my parent’s house and to Wiley’s Baccalaureate (God knows I cant spell that word). It was great and Wiley did a great job. Then I went home, talked to Vincent and went to bed.
So life is shifting for me right now. I have an interview tomorrow at 9:00am I already don’t think I want the job. What a waste of time. Well I should at least give it a shot! Until the next time I have something to write about… Linz 2:54 PM - Jun. 12, 2006 - comments {0} - post commentI've Learned To Live Holy, I've Learned How to Live Right, I've Learned to Suffer, For if I Suffer I Gain Eternal Life...I feel like every week I grow so much that it’s hard to recognize who I am by the end of it. This is definitely a growth spurt season for me and I think a lot of times we view trails and changes as a negative when God only sees the positive finish line. For the past few weeks I’ve been searching for jobs (getting some and losing some but not feeling that any of them were right for me), reconnecting and disconnecting with people (that is one thing in life that I believe will be constant), and facing harsh realities about myself that has done nothing but force me to change.
I think it’s easy for us to live life on autopilot like we have everything together. Sometime, I think, we can’t help it. If we focused too much on our imperfections we would be in a constant state of worry, wondering if we would ever get life right. This Sunday God brought something to light in my life that I knew was there but never understood how much it was hindering me. God created us with a desire to please Him and sometimes, even in the church, we misplace the desire to please God with the desire to please man. I didn’t realize how strong that was on me until it broke me down to the point of tears all service this last Sunday morning. Even though we just had the Chain Breakers Youth Conference I found myself bound up by this addiction to approval. I’m sure we all have a bit of it… let me clarify this isn’t the desire to get a pat on the back or a job well done from leadership. I could go my whole life without that. This desire is nothing but straight idolatry just cleverly disguised. Let me ask you this is your service/servants heart for God or has it worn you down to the point that it is straight obedience? Sometimes we do have to operate in straight obedience but lately my service has been simply to get the job done. When I was talking to one of my mentors she talked about how my worship use to just be God and I. What changed? I believe that I was over come with the desire to get it down perfect (my worship leading) so lives could be changed. I let my perfect overthrow God’s perfect, which got me in trouble. All of a sudden I was leading worship and not knowing where God wanted me to go next. I’m not sure how this spirit got so deep in me; all I know is that the enemy comes to attack strong Christians little by little. He knew that he couldn’t come and just kill me in one shot. So he would come and stab at me one-way and then another until my worship got to the point of work. Let me warn you Christians I wasn’t off sinning when this happened I was in my word, praying and worshiping everyday. Once I felt like something was wrong in my spirit and that praise and worship was harder to lead I doubled everything and began to sow seed and fast. Nothing changed. Sometimes you can do all the right things to get right and you miss the one thing you need to do. Change your heart condition. This is something that will take me sometime to grow through but I’m gonna do it. I would encourage all of you to seriously search your heart. God doesn’t need you to operate in your calling perfectly. Your perfect is already imperfect. If you have found yourself getting numb to the presence of God it is probably because you have let something come in your heart to dictate what the presence to look like. If this sounds familiar to you and you want to get rid of this idolatry or if you just want to pray this prayer to safe guard yourself feel free to pray this with me. God, I ask you right now to continue to search my heart. Reveal to me the hidden things that have hindered me from getting into Your presence. I really do love You and honesty want to please You. Help me get my thinking in line with Yours because Your word says that Your thoughts are higher than mine. Help me to stay in Your will and keep me humbled. Thank You for understanding my faults and giving me Your strength when I am weak. I love You. Amen 11:29 AM - May. 30, 2006 - comments {1} - post commentBack to the BlogsHey! I know I haven’t written in ages. It’s sad really but I’m trying to find a new job, finish up wedding plans and do my current job all at once. For the first time in years my workday is actually full with work! It’s quite refreshing!
I’m quite pleased with the response regarding the name Flavio. That one is still in deliberation. It was great to see a comment from Wu Daddy! Communication is key; and regarding your tendency to go on and on all I can say is “like father like son”!
I guess you are all in need of an update! Really I could do a two week long update but I have a feeling very few people read this as it is and I don’t want to lose my audience so I’ll keep it short! My wedding planning is almost all done and I’m way ahead of schedule! We have the church www.firstpres.org, the reception site (almost) http://www.northwestevents.com/facilities.htm# (just click on stone manor to see), and all the dress are picked out! It’s really nice to get it all done and set in stone!
My job search has been full of ups and downs. It doesn’t help that I don’t really have a clear idea of where I want to work… I’ll do more searching today so hopefully by the end of this week I will be typing this from my computer at home instead of the one at work.
Really aside from the fact that I have been ridiculously busy for the past few weeks I have another reason why it has taken me so long to post something of substance on here… well I guess it really depends on your definition of substance. This time by substance I mean something funny. I was recently told by a loved one (I will mention no names) that I am not funny. Now this gentleman said I have my moments; but in the overall scheme of things I’m just simply not funny. As I’m sure you well know this came as a shock to me; because I think I’m hilarious! I asked some people who I know always laugh at my jokes they thought I was funny. They all said yes and promised me that they weren’t just being nice. Really I have come to find that humor is in the eye of the beholder (I’m sure you didn’t laugh but I thought that was funny)! It’s sad really but I will laugh at my jokes and stories till the day I die! Linz 10:17 AM - May. 30, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment
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