Detrimental Entanglement

Just Like Old Times

Well, school has begun. I had my first classes today, and I guess they're alright. Mediocre at best.
My lit. and comp./american studies classes are going to drive me to insanity. Let's just say I'm about as fond of them as I was of my lit. and comp./global studies classes last year.

But we couldn't have a school year without some meaningless and petty argument now could we!? The first topic being none other than... DING! Homecoming!
Will the controversy surrounding this trivial event never cease?
Corbin doesn't want to go. I have no particular interest in it, but I was asked by a good friend. I don't see it as a big deal.
It's embarassing, I guess.
I can see where it would bug him.

I'm going. I don't see the point in discussing it much further.

This year will be different for one major reason: I don't give a damn anymore.

six days.. can we make it?

I never intend to stir the pot. I find myself just going with the current.
You'll take that how you want to.
Just like everything else.

This is the dawn of something less memorable, but equally heartbreaking.

9:41 PM - Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - comments {2} - post comment

The Lavender is High

Greg: well, i gtg, the lavender is in full bloom right now but by thursday i dont know if it still will be...

it's all a very sweet allusion to a poem I wrote at the beginning of the school year. Old lavender reminds me of a different era. The old age. Greg is everything a civilized man should be... Damn him for living 84 miles away!

A note on women-
Evil. Seductive. Beautiful. Dangerous. All synonyms to the mysterious and wonderful creatures responsible for giving life, and maintaing order in the world. But women of the younger age who are intelligent, funny, and attractive can be decietful. Dastardly.
Using their powers of persuasion.. the fatal females attack with full force.
Eve ate from the tree of knowledge and learned of her true potential. Adam chose to go with her, though the road is steep and rough.

Kahil Gibran, on love, says to follow love, though his ways are steep.

I don't deny being a temptress of the worst nature.. But at least I come by it honestly.
If you suddenly discover that you have an awesome power over others, and you don't really have to do anything out the ordinary.. You're going to take advantage of it until the novelty wears off.

this is still novel.

Pi

11:17 PM - Sunday, June 25, 2006 - comments {2} - post comment

Val and the Missing Piece

This is my first blog since the end of the school year, so first let me congradulate you all. We survived one more year than they all said we would. Too bad we can't "keep it fresh" anymore.

Now we're all Sophmormons.

Finals were tres facile. I think I ended the year well.

For the past five days, I've been with Corbin pretty much non-stop. Hanging out, having fun, living life the fun and fancy free way.
Today, he left for Japan.

And so did my heart.
This is going to be a long 15 days.

Those were the amazing days, right?

4:06 PM - Monday, June 19, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

The Change is Something Deeper

I found it hard to speak or to smile today. I shrugged away from contact, and didn't meet anyone eye-to-eye. It was the sort of day that I wished I could have been anywhere else in the world. Been anyone else. I desperatly wanted to talk to Emile, but I highly doubt I'll ever be able to again. All conversation was light and happy, as though nothing was wrong. What am I saying, nothing is wrong. That was probably said more for my benefit than anything else. All fears washed away into general apathy. My throat became swollen, so it was hard to swallow or eat. Not that I'd keep from throwing up anything I did take the time to ingest, so it really isn't worth it. I wanted more than anything for this to be something amazing. For something to go as planned.
All I have any desire to do now is shirk away from any obligation... Any promises. I'm suffering from a severe case of ennui... a french disease of the soul. I feel relocked inside my mental prison, going back into hiding after finally stepping out. The air was too sweet, happiness came at too high a price.
You always ask why I don't let myself be fully content, it's simply because no one deserves to be happy. Happiness should be an unending task, never faltering in difficulty. I personally don't feel up to the challenge, so I will settle with what I have. Not contentment, indifference.
I don't ever expect to feel the same. This is one of those soul-defining moments, where you realize that there is a line drawn in your life.
life before/line/life after

I would have avoided all contact with you until I absolutely had to, but it gets lonely. Lonely and scary.

Today is a Melinda day.

...here's to irreversable damage.

Pi

7:59 PM - Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - comments {3} - post comment

One More Song Before the Night

There's been a change in me
A kind of moving on
Though what I used to be
I still depend on
For now I realize
That good can come from bad
That may not make me wise
But oh it makes me glad

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams
But I don't mind
For now I love the world I see
No change of heart a change in me

For in my dark despair
I slowly understood
My perfect world out there
Had disappeared for good
But in it's place I feel
A truer life begin
And it's so good and real
It must come from within

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams but I don't mind
I'm where and who I want to be
No change of heart
A change in me

No change of heart
A change in me

Pi

9:06 PM - Monday, June 12, 2006 - comments {0} - post comment

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