I see things have changed a bit on the site, anyway, it's been a freakishly long time since I've blogged lol but I'm baccccckkk,I've been busy, busy busy stressing, stressing, stressing lol and it finally caught up with me. Thursday morning i woke up with an EXTREMLY painful, head pounding, sensitive to light and sound MIGRANE ! I woke around 5 am in so much freaking pain, that i thought i was dying. I called my job around 7 am again at 10 to confirm that i wouldn't be in. The irony is that the following day ( yesterday) was to be my last day there.

I've been super stressed over the only thing i EVER stress over lol freaking love and finding a "good guy" whom i'm attracted to. My egghead friend (Tee) have been on the longest back n forth rollercoaster ride , 9 months as of the 1st. He hAD me on such a freaking love high that i think i literally lost my mind lol but not to fear, i'm trying to regain my sanity . After 4 mos u know it dwindled the " i love you's ceased' even though he was still around and calling all the time. I was fighting his love big time, because i didn't want to be hurt,now i find myself missing it, i miss the daily i love you's, i miss the randomn i miss u txt, i miss all that good stuff, and i've been stressed out trying to get it back..BUT...it's okkkkkkk...i'm not gonna chase it. i'm worth much, much more than chasing someone who claims to love me, yeah he still claims he does. Anyway, as u all know, i've been through this before , deja- freaking -vu man...only this time, I said my piece, laye dmy cards on the table, but im not sticking around waiting for him to get his act together.

EVERYTHING else is going great for me, love is my weakness, and when that isn't right, everything else tends to suffer a bit, but im so determined to have the last laugh, i mean, i went out last night and with each step i could feel my confidence growing...i'm beautiful..inside and out, and once i lose all my weight, man please....Tee who? D who? Stress me out...uhm no...

But..lol that's funny...i accepted an offer to be someone's girlfriend, yep..in the midst of all my stress i said yes, why not.

I want to have a playful summer, i see myself doing a lot of fun things, now the only problem is finding people to do them with lol...don't get me wrong, i have GREAT, SUPPORTIVE, friends, butttttt.....i can't go out and be all fun and flirty when im with Tw cuz guys always think we're together, and  with J it's like great friend, but kinda rides in the slow lane..i'm looking to do parties, clubs, picnics, trips, and i need someone who's on my level with that . I'm trying to get out and do something fun today, we;ll see if i can convince J to get on board, doubt it though.

Also, i've been calling and talking to someone i never thought i'd want to call and talk to again, K. He's coo, and i've been taking someone's advice about not holding grudges or whatever or more not casting people off if they seem like they've changed or learned from their mistakes or whatever. He seems genuinely sorry, but ...there's still that resentment lol shh dun tell anyone lol . But..i'm tired of having resentment in my heart, resenting D, resenting, CC, resenting Tee...ughh i'm gonna end up a bitter old hag lol ...which, i'm not gonna let happen, so im trying to be open to people who burned me in some way.

Hmm, K is a snake , just encouraged me to go out with a married man lol geez he doesn't believe in karma or  what goes around comes around, no wonder he could so easily fukk my friend...lordy..anyway i retract my statement about him lol he'z coo...but never will i reconsider his friendship...he'll jus remain someone i talk to for guy advice..well hmm, i'm not even sure about that anymore lol I wanna get out tonight! Hmm, he's got me thinking though, I've always, always been a loyal companion, girlfriend or whatever, and every single time i got bent over and fukked by the guy lol ..not litereally..but u get my drift, maybe it is time i take a more self indulged outlook on life, hmmm....maybe...