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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I
have a fever blister ( cold sore) right under my nose. This sucks far
beyond the obvious reasons, but because today is the big party for my
aunt and everyone is really dressing up for the event, ( well the old
ppl are lol ) I'm jus wearing some tan slacks and a black button up
shirt...the slacks are super skin tight and really show my butt which
is quite curvy in the right pair of pants lol ..I could have gone up a
dress size but i'm super stubbron when it comes to weight and dress
sizes and stuff, so im jus gonna look like a h oochie with a touch of
class lol....it's a family event so hopefully no one will be looking at
my butt, which i think is getting bigger, rounder..it's weird. D and i like to talk about how all my friends seem to "love" me..and i mean more than a platonic love....it's weird for me because i feel like im always letting someone down, even if i may be doing something that pleases me. It's just hard for me to be happy when i know my actions are hurting someone i care about. 3;30..i gotta get a move on getting ready, as Tw would say, it takes me FOREVER to get ready. Dirty talk, lol i'm so goofy and silly tha if dared i'll jus about do anything. ( jus recently i got felt up, and felt up 2 female strippers at a strip club--which was weird and akward) but for some reason i have a serious malfunction when it comes to dirty talk, i can't say words like penis, dick, clit, pussy, ****, suck, lick...lol..i even feel weird typing them. I was joking around with a friend and i wanted to say, " wha, u wanna f*ck me?' And i couldn't get it out for the life of me...gosh i'm so freaking shy sometimes lol ..it reminds me of this whore show i watch ( i forget the name) but it comes on hbo. It's about a group of escorts who are basically hookers who live in one house instead of walking the street, anyway one of them couldn't say the same words i just named. How can u be a hooker, selling ur body, giving head( another word im shy about) doing all these things, but can't say the words lol....weird. So anyway, i decided that whenever i buy a sexy role play costume it will be like a naughty school girl, or something that implies "innocence" lol Speaking of innocence...it's a weird thing to look in the mirror and realize ur not that innocent person anymore. The values u one stood for are slowly slipping away...maybe that's why i've been in such a mood lately...how do u fight something u enjoy, yet feep in ur heart u feel it's so wrong? Blah... Anyway, long hair makes me feel really sexy and beautiful . I got "my" hair relaxed the other day and it went from wavy to bone straight. It looked nice, but i miss my hair when it WAS long and full of body and bounce, so i went and got some extensions and i love it...i feel like me again, but everyone has such a problem with it, " why'd u go and get ur hair done jus to cover it up?" I can't explain why i'm this way about my hair. I mean i needed to be professionally washed and conditioned and trimmed so that's why i got it done, and i did it for me, so what everyone else has to say doesn't matter...all i know is i can wear yaki( the silkiest hair extension) and have it blend so well that if u didn't know me u'd think it was mine anyway.....i know my natural hair is really nice, i jus enjoy it more with length =/ I'm like the one girl on top model who left the show after they cut her hair. She went home and immediately got some extentions put in lol i was laughing so hard cuz i was going, ' that's me..that's something i would do" lol But ..sad to say maybe if i felt better about my weight n stuff , i wouldn't be so obsessed with my hair. In due time... | ||
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