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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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Jus a bunch of randomn stuff , mostly realizations well let's see today was coo, i was almost late b ut got to work right at 9 YEAH! i LOVE my kids, they are sooo cute, but can be so bad at times lolz, anyway one bit me on the boob today =( How does a four year old know about boobs and stuff ? All day long he kept trying to lift my shirt up and k ept sticking his hand up my shirt, he even put his head up under my shirt and repeatedly tried to do it..i'm jus like the f*KK? LOL Sometimes i wished i cursed, and not only that but tha i sounded cool doing so lol but yeah kid's a major freak. I'm missing the male attention i'm used to getting on a regular basis...working with all females SUCKS bad for me, the only male interaction I get is from the horny dad's who come to get their kids. One dad, the one who text'd me at 12 am( long story) keeps asking me about jeans, my boss was like "why u looking at her butt?" and he's like cuz it's a nice butt....too forward, but attention just the same. I'm used to attention, and lots of it. I realize that everyday, i realize tha i wouldn't mind dating a guy who wants to talk to me all day long, i know it sounds weird, but i dig that. Tee is like that---he can even be thought of as the smothering type, i realized he's the kind of guy who doesn't want to me have much interaction with other guys, he may feel like he gives me enuff so why do i need them?? I can't explain it, but i just enjoy attention from guys...and even from girls lol BUT I'm very humble, even shy about being the center of attention, i blush easily, very easily, especially when given a compliment. Today at work that FB( Fat bish) =x asked me how im doing, " with ur pretty self" it was weird, my immediate reaction was to kinda giggle and say thanks...i dunno i'm weird. Oh i called her a fat b*tch because she is super fake and always talking sh*t...her comment about me being pretty shocked me ,which is probbaly why i responded the way i did. So,...J says i have a reputation with guys...i realize i DO know a lot of guys and HAVE gone out on A LOT of dates but that's only because i'm waiting for someone to settle down with, for that special guy I'd gladly give all that up, but for now , i'm single and i still have dating to do. Does this make me a bad person because i date frequently? It's not like i kiss them all, or get attached to them? I try not to use ppl, I',m jus testing the water..seeing what's out there. R.E.B.O.U.N.D When i think back to when Tee and I was about to be a couple a few months back, when he felt like he couldn't go on without me, how he was chasing me down, writing me poems, and really just trying to woo me....and how it's so different now..i realized that i was def' his rebound girl lol i was in such denial about that at first, but just like Kory was mine with D...i'm his with his ex , after u break up with someone and meet someone new who u click with it feels like love, u become kinda obsessed with them, but then ...u start to kinda realize tha it's not love, but infactuation, and when ur ex comes around and ur heart still jumps..then the guilt of how u "thought" u felt for the new person really starts to eat at u . I've been through all of that, eventually Kory could have replaced my thoughts of D, but it would have taken awhile. I think that's fianlly starting to happen with Tee, it's been about 9 mos for his break- up , and we talk just about all day long. For some reason i feel more seure, but at the same time....there's always new opportunities and possibilities that i don't want to miss on the sake of being wrapped up in him...so i feel that asking for space was a good thing, weird, cuz i got used to talking to him so freaking much, but anything u can get used to, u can get...unused to ? LoL anyway...jus my realizations for now. Peesh out | ||
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| i dunno why but i kept on going back and re-reading the part where u got bitten on the boobies over and over again.. *blushes*. (and the nice butt part wasn't bad either) lol
any chance i can get a video of that? take cares, C. | |||
| Posted by 4everlostnalone | |||
| Entry 103 of 257 |
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