2006
has been good thus far, nothing really happened, i just feel very
optimistic, but sad at the same time? Strange i know..anyway my
friend and i decided not to be depressed in 06, if it's something tha u
can change -change it, and if not...then move on to something else. I
realize that i made a lot of bad choices when it comes to love and who
i give my time, effort, and ,most importantly my heart. I don't want to
make the same mistakes this year, though i already have, but at least
im trying to take the steps to head in a different direction, though i
can't pretend that it doesn't hurt.
I'm a giver, i give a lot of myself when there's someone i'm into. So
far this year i've spend most of my time either with or talking to
someone who doesn't want me. It's so strange, he can spend most of his
free time talking to or being in my prescene, he can kiss me, and allow
me to take his freedom away( meaning i don't want him with other
girls)but yet at the end of the day doesn't want to date..."im content
with the way things are, im content with life right now" we had a long
talk about him and other girls, he asked if i wanted to date for the
secuirty of knowing he can't do anything, and i was like yeah, and he
was like well u already got that, i know tha i have freedom but im not
misusing it.." i don't want to" ...so my question to him is, then why
do u want to spend all ur time with me?" i enjoy ur company" ...he's so
confusing...so i decided i needed some space....let me breath ..if u do
not want me then i need to get u out of my system.
In deep thinking i had discover, i know what's wrong with him,
what holds him back from me and i find it so funny but at the same time
sad. There's no way i can prove he's wrong because he's actually right,
so ....i just *sigh* heavily and go on to something else.
Wha saddens me the most about this is that again i feel rejected by jus being myself , that's the heartbreaker of it all.
|