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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I
am so drowsy right now !I've taken 4 pills today , one for sinus relief
and man it relieved the headache and pressure feeling but the
sleepiness is a bit much. Looks like im gonna win this bet , today i
woke early enuff to prepare breakfast, i had a sensible lunch and not
going to eat past 8. I worked out while at work( was supposed to when
got home but not going to ) and tomorrow will be no different. I'm
kinda messed up right now about my job, it's fairly easy when im
working with just my class, but lately they've had me all ovah and tha
sucks, especially with the school agers....horrible, horrible lil
creatures, and the stress ISN'T worth the reward.... That's what im trying to go by this year, is it worth it? If something brings u more pain than pleasure is it really worth sticking with it? The job in general is a comfort zone, the good outweighs the bad, b ut when it's bad it's REALLY bad. I had a past love come back in the picture the other night. Talking to a friend about him, i realized i didn't love him as much as i thought i did...or maybe i jus didn't think he'd accept me the way i thought D would...turns out i was wrong about D...which leaves me to my other belief.....either i just dun listen to my TRUE first thought and jus extremly stubborn or i have extremely bad judgement lol i mean when i think a person is bad for me they turn out to be good, when i think a person is good they turn out to be bad...wtf?? Anyway, the guy who called the other night i dated when i was like 16 and we went through ALOT of drama...ALOT lol ...we hated each other for awhile, which he later admitted was just jealously on his part( i dated his friend sometime after we broke up) but still the things he said to and about me during tha time of jealousy ..i of course took very personally and wanted to forget he existed..but through the years he's managed to keep in touch by calling wha used to be once every 3 months...and more recently has been just once in 2005. Anyway he called the other night and said a bunch of stuff about how im the only person( from bakc then) whose phone number he knows by heart ( he lieves in texas so thas a long distance number to remember) and how after all these years he still thinks of me " in that way" lol...jus strange. Someone once told me tha i put a curse on people...sure it often doesn't hit them until long after i've moved on, but hits them none the less...to this day there's only been one guy i've dated or whatever who hasn't tried to come back in some shape or form....weird. Anyway we didn't get to talk long at all that night, and he hasn't called back ( typical) but there's something i really need to tell him...I'm just not sure if i want to call or wait for him to call again( could be months) anyway, wha i have to tell him isn't good...not at all...but it will do one or two things, bring us back close, or get rid of him for good. At this point i dun really care which . Best friends? Usually i tell all my friends about dates or anything else going on, Tee not excluded from that , now usuallyyyyyyy he asks a bunch of questions and seems to not care at all about listening to me talk about other guys, but this time...he said absolutely nothing, no smart comment, no questions..in fact he changed the subject...i was very surprised. K's phone call the other day has had me thinking of him randomnly throughout the day, not in the romantic way, just in general, he's the guy i can call to ask really really in depth questions about guys tha i wouldn't ask any of my other guy friends. I know someone is gonna ask about tha last statement..but i have my reasons -- and i dun feel the need to explain it. Ahh...i can't shake this feeling i've had lately...something is about to happen..but what? | ||
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