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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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last
night was so horrible....i cried, and cried, and cried, and cried lol i
was already ticked off by my stupid ex, and then cruella came home. As
usual...she bean talking down to me about absoultely nothing. By the
end of the night i told her the way she makes me feel and all she said
was, "ok" i stormed out of her room and into mine, i cleaned then went
to bed. She comes home and the first thing she thinks to
say to me is a bunch of bs, she never stops to think tha hey..maybe my
daughter is going through something and be being a ***** for damn
reason might just be the thing that drives her over the edge..she
wouldn't know cuz she never ******* talks to me about anything tha
doesn't have to do with putting me down. So im sad about tha, then my stupid ass ex who i wasted a year of emotion on comes calling and i end up telling him he never loved me and how i hate him, i must have said it three times through tears and clenched teeth.." i hate, u, i hate u, i hate u so much" and it was sad tha it had to come out that way, but it's true. I do hate him, but as i said on my last entry it's a love and hate. The way he thinks and rationalizes and the way he feels he did nothing wrong except having sex with the girl is wha makes me hate him. How can u be in love with me, but fall in love with somebody else so easily? We were together for a year, but yet 2 days..2 ******* days after we break up u already writing love letters to the stupid *****...but yet u loved me? Fuck u.... I've never felt this way about someone who i once loved so much, it's really scary. And then he says things like it bothers him tha i fell in love with Tyrus? WTF it took me 8 FUCKING months to fall in love with someone else...it took him wha...2 days? LMAO no...it was happening while we were together and the bastard still won't admit that...ughhh i hate guys..i really do. It's so frustrating, it's like i never ever ever ever ever ever ever want to be with him again,but it still bothers me to think about him and wha he did, and even though it still hurts i can't completely walk away from him? WTF Same thing with Tyrus,..i dunno for some silly reason im still hoping Ty will wake up before it's too late, before im already moved on, i'm really hoping that i don't have to add him to the list of guys who realize they want me after im already gone, but deep down i know it isn't gonna happen...it would just be nice to be appreciated and treated the way i deserve by someone i have feelings for. Life is funny....i think it's always gona be this way for me..i'll like the guys who are all wrong for me...and tha sucks...i think i am jus a bad judge a character or maybe jus too naive to see through the "game" but the guy i want to be with IS a nice guy...a romantic..HUMBLE man who knows how to love not only me but the people around them, who is honest and trust worthy, yet still fun. a man who not just loves God but has a relationship with him, who has stern vaulues and strict morals....*sigh* will i ever meet anyone like this??? I wonder... My goal for next year is to weed out the people who shouldn't be in my life. The people who has served their purpose but their season is over. I'm on a roll....anyway i finally figured it out.....but i could never be with u because in some ways u are like my mother, u think emotions and being emotional are signs of being weak..and it's ok to think that, but it's a problem when u display that. Weak means inferior...everyone wants to know what's the problem , why am i not with u when i am always saying u are the guy who treats and takes care of me the best, but there's something i've never been able to explain well until now. Cocky/arrogance is one thing, but condescending, and sarcastic are things i've had to live with for a long time, things i hate, and it may seem trivial to u, but it's so serious and important to me. I am ur friend because i know u have a good heart and if u thought it was something wrong with being the way u are then u wouldn't be that way, ur a good person , and sometimes i feel guilty that i don't feel for u the way u feel so me, so i make sure to at least be a friend. | ||
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| Interesting blog, hope this finds you well. Check my own little space of cyber heaven....
www.heart-beat.freehomepage.com Cheers mate, Trent Australia | |||
| Posted by Anonymous | |||
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| Seems like there are a lot of emotions running through you right now,
I don't really know much about you, just the one entry I just read, but I'm already empathizing for you, It really is hard when you think some one loves you and you love them back, then they really don't and they question you, its hard but you seem strong, Crissy | |||
| Posted by InsanelyCrazy | |||
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| i knew that thing about your mother already, its true me and her do share some character traits but, we are very different. i have always done my best to treat you like a queen, sorry that it doesnt show, all and all i think you are stronger than i could ever be. sorry if i gave you any impression other wise.
later luv, | |||
| Posted by Anonymous | |||
| Entry 115 of 257 |
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