i
already HAD my period for this month lol so why does it feel like it's
coming again *pouts* this sucks, this absolutely sucks...ah well least
it'll be over before Christmas. Things at work are pretty coo, i love
having my own classroom, i really, truly do. I'm planning the party for
Thursday, although i've only seen 3 of my parents, i hope they chip in
for snacks, i wrote a big sign on the door,but no one signed their kids
up =/ Anyway, all im contributing is a box of spiderman cookies(GOTTA
LOVE DOLLA TREE) Also the employee Christmas party is Thursday and they
want us to contribute to that as well, i said i would bring carrots and
celery...but they also want me to give $5 to the bosses gift..F*CK tha
lol excuse my french but damn, i don't have money for all that
contributing, my phone bill is due, i still have a few last minute
presents to grab, i just shelled out 150 on my tooth, plus...i don't
want to be broke until my next check..so NO...sorry but no..I'm done
contributing.
I need to be salvaging my credit so i can build my business and get the
hell out of dodge, i can't lose focus of my dream. I have the house to
myself with nothing really to do. Wha i really need is a mortgage deal
to go through, but it doesn't seem likely, anyway, all i know is God is
good, i remember praying and asking God to increase my territory and he
did, first with the new job, then again with the promotion.
I'm trying not to focus so hard on guys right now, in fact i have a few
new guys interested and it's akward because i'm not where i want to be
when i settle down. I've been blowing guys off( shut up) and it feels
good in a weird way, not the actually making someone else upset part,
but the part about me being strong enough to do it. There was a time
when i felt desperate, not as in i can't meet guys, jus desperate to
say "i have someone" i dunno why tha was so important to me, it still
is, but not to tha degree. I want to feel special to someone, i still
get envious when i see couples out n about...but it's not as bad as it
used to be. One day tha time will come for me, and when it does i'll
know how to handle it. I have to be stable within myself, because i
know when the day does come i'll put all my effort into pleasing him,
and right now..i can't afford that.
Speaking of tha, i told Tee he was greedy and a hypocrite, it seemed to
hit a cord, but i dun care. The things i said needed to be said, it's
bad enuff i go out of my way for guys, but it's horrible when i do it
and they dun even deserve it.I was in denial for a long time about him,
about his motives, his feelings, and whatever else, but after the month
we spent apart i did a lot of thinking, and even when we got back
together i felt tha something wasn't right, but this time i wasn't
about to look like a fool. It's still sad though, because at one time
he did give me everything i needed, but no use dwelling on the past,
now we play by my rules =)
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