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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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it used to be simple, it used to be tha if two people loved each other..they'd be together... It's been a rough azz year lol first the guy i loved and wanted to be with told me we had to break up...tha he loved me more than anything but tha he jus couldn't be with me( right now) and eventually said he loved me and wanted to 'end up with me' but in the meantime he was free to do whatever..even though tha wasn't the reason for the break up. So....10 mos into being broken up with him i fall in love, maybe in lust with someone else,...just to be told the same sh*t over again ...ughh...how much can one heart take? Look if u dun wanna be with me..never tell me u love me...but especially dun say," i'm so in love with u, but i CAN'T be with u" nah..u COULD be with me, ur azz jus doesn't want to....I mean be real about it...... with my ex, he had suspisions about my character, so...he shoulda jus said tha lol instead being like," i love and wanna be with u, jus not right now" oh F*ck tha... where are the no excuses men? The real men who if they have a problem with u, they tell u....who if they love u and truly wanna be with u, they do wha it takes to make it work... Cuz thas wha kind of woman I am, with my ex,i did wrong, i did...but i tried to salvage it, i w anted to love him, i wanted to be there for him, i wanted so much for us! And i kept waiting for him to say tha he was ready to be with me again,but again, he had doubts about me, i still waited though, but...eventually of course i moved on.. My ex prolly feels like i am taking this Tee thing out on him, but he's so wrong....I'm jus aggravated in general cuz it hurts a lot to open urself to someone and they tell u how much u mean to them and how much they love u...but still make u feel like u jus aint good enough to be with. So, this thing happening with Tee jus brings back the old pain i went through with D. And the worst part of all ,is that i know someone better than any guy( in terms of relationship) i've ever met, but i view him as a brother? Wha kind of fukked up world are we living in? anyway i decided to completely walk away from Tee, i want my feelings to completely go away, because i am sad? Yes, but not for the reason ppl may think, i am sad because this has happened to me again. But i am mainly doing it because i need to, because my heart needs to be reserved for the guy who deserves it, whomever he is or will be. And maybe when im not so mad and my feelings have dissolved i can come back and we can be friends again, which i want, because we were good friends. As far as D, i never gave myself space from him, i never went more than like 2 days without talking to him, but im really good at putting feelings aside when i have to....i guess im just really mad at Tee right now and jus don't WANT to talk to him =p | ||
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