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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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From brandon to my ex, i've bene letting my current guy situation stress me to no end.
There's a play coming up Nov 3, that Tee and i discussed going to
together awhile back. Now, i'm kinda shaky on bringing it up, i
mean, I'm going to this play, just not sure who I'm going with yet.
First i'll find out how much the tickets are before i ask anyone. Man,
i'm tired of this crap, i wish i had a boyfriend lol there
wouldn't be any of this wondering about who to ask stuff. I was
talking to my friend last night and he was like it seems like everyone
has someone but him, and it's ironic, because i feel the same
way. "Quit wasting my time Tee" is the message i'm sending out
loud and clear. Man it's hard, I've built this massive wall between D and I. It was coo the first time me being all in love while he's so far, but this time, it's different. I'm longing for someone, for something near and dear, something special, someone i can hold and feel the love betwen us as we embrace each other. Being in a long distance relationship because u jus happened to fall in love with the person is one thing, but, deliberately going into a long distance relationship is another. I very well could fall back into things with him, the problem is, am i ready for that? I want to give someone all this love i have, i want to spoil someone, i want to have the same thing in return. And thruthfully, it would be much easier to walk away from Tee if i had a for sure thing to walk into. I guess thas why he won't give me up either? If he had a for sure thing on the other side of that fence he been strattling. Anyway, i feel like i'm super vunerable right now, and thas not good. I'm gonna stick to the main ppl i always go to for support, and they know who they are, so if u reading this and wondering if tha includes u don't ask me about it. I have to wonder how my mom is feeling these days, the saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all...but i dunno. To me, i rather not have loved and got a taste of the thing i am now so desperately seeking. I mean to me, it is like sex...sure a virgin can be curious and want to do it, but a virgin doesn't know how truly good it feels until they actually get it, THEn it's like whoa..the virgin then craves it. And no i wasn't referring to myself ^ lol..i have yet to fully experience sex to be very graphic for a moment, i've experienced the very 'tip" of sex, enough to let me know a lil of what it will feel like, But not enuff to get me sprung. Enuff to make me feel bad for not being a virgin anymore, but not enuff to make me feel like a whore. The guy who does get to fully experience that with me is nothing short of lucky, because i do have a high sex drive, just even higher morals and self respect! Ha | ||
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| but u made me blush when i read the end of ur blog. O_o
hahaha... i'm such a born again virgin. lol take karez | |||
| Posted by 4everlostnalone | |||
| Entry 147 of 257 |
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