Day
2, today will be the real deal for me and Tee. In talking to D last
night he asked me how were things going and i told him what happened,
it was then that it occured to me that it was a big deal wha happened
with us. Yesterday was weird in itself though, i realized i
hadn't talked to two people ( not T) all day, one i called but had to
cut the convo short cuz my bro had jus made me sad, and the other i
wasn't able to call cuz his phone was stolen.
And it wasn't that i wasn't talking to T is the reason i wanted to talk
to them cuz i had been talking to T all day off and on. Well ya know
me..i don't like to end things on a bad note, so i had to explain
everything to him even though i knew he didn't and won't understand it.
He didn't realize that i had been saying i wanted to end things, he
thought we were just having a disagreement. After my last email in
which i said," you keep changing, two thursday's ago everything was
still all good u were talking to me lovingly and affectionately, then
by friday it was like dr. jackal and mr. hyde" granted that was the
first time in 4 mos tha he wasn't being all attentive and
affectionate blah blah blah, he said he wasn't acting funny...tha
he'd just been busy. Throughout our friendship, before these last 4
mos, he's had these super busy time periods..BUT whenever we did talk,
it still felt the same. So it wasn't about him being busy at all,
i totally get the boy has a life outside of he and I.
But anywa for the last two weeks, he seemed withdrawn, now i didn't say
anything about it, i jus figured it was his male time of the month lol
but i did start to make lil comments because the core of our
relationship/agreement whatever u wanna call it was there were things
we both needed ..his needs were being met, mine weren't. I wanted a
companion, but he was too busy being everyone else's companion while i
was sitting around" being patient".
I already accepted that we were not gonna be in a reltionship for
various reasons, but i was jus like well if u dun have time to simply
hang out with me, but can drop by when u want some kisses, then i dun
wanna sit around waiting for him, when i can be out with someone else
who has time for both.
I have been talking to D about my relationship and life in general
tactics, and felt tha sometimes i make hasty decisions, basically , i
have no problem writing someone off.
So when Tee told me he felt like i ended it just based off one weekend,
i did start to wonder well maybe i did? Out of 4 mos he was tripping
for two weeks? And i pulled the plug on it? But....it wasn't jus tha, i
know tha "mr. busy" will stay busy and i will start to feel like im
being taking for granted, which is how i was already feeling. So i
dunno, maybe i was acting too hasty, but i really didn't know wha else
to do.
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