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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I'm
getting ready to go to a haunted house and my friend is ready now( I'm
not) lol...so it looks like i won't be able to type as much as i need
to, lots to catch up on. My confusion is lessinging, so that's a good
thing. I finally made a decision about Tee, and actually sticking to
it, yayy, it's hard though, because in such a short time i got so
attached to him, but i blame myself. I kept hearing him say," i have so much stuff to get straightened out, i'm not over my ex, i'm still thinking about being with her, i don't want a relationship with u right now " to .." i can't go back and try to work it out with her, i have too many feelings for u, i'm torn" and took the last statement and combined it with the year of friendship we had before anything physical occured and thought about how well he treated his girlfriend, how much he respected her and what they had...and wanted it for myself. So i blindly put him before any other oppurtunities and chances because i thought he was my chance to finally have a boyfriend who knew how to be the type of boyfriend i need. And in the process..got owned lol Well my desicion has been to not put him first, but to in fact put him last, if anything at all...everytime we argue it's always about the same thing, which to me is funny, it'd be easy to say , oh he's just my friend whom i kiss and cuddle with, but that's where we draw the line..in fact, that's how it was supposed to be. We've 'broken it off" twice but each time it's the freaking 'feelings" that lures us back to one another. Well...something had to change, and i changed it, i told him about the other guys tha i will be hanging out with and not limiting myself to just him anymore...tha hurt him, but...ahh i mean he can't keep me on lock, tha isn't fair lol...we argued this weekend, and he was mad at me and didn't talk to me all day, wha a baby! Lol and when we did talk and i dropped my i'll be kicking it with other ppl bomb, he got off the phone in a hurry. WTF is up with tha, i mean, come on..we can't have our cake and ice cream too, right? Anyway, at the end of the day, he told me he loves me....and with tha i'm off to the haunted house with "a friend" . I see it's pointless to tell Tee tha he needs to stop with the love stuff and figure out wha he doing with his ex. I also realized the main reason why i've been putting another person off. For the longest..8 mos..i felt completely disrespected..tha he put the feelings of the new chic in front of mine, and thas not the kind of realtionship i want. To this person who cares too much about the feelings of his friends, especially if they are females, and i dun know if i have the stamina to wonder about tha, but he assures me it will be different this time, so i don't know. New job, the job is coo, i'm back teaching, but the women i work with are horrid, horrid, gossips...it's 4 women including myself in the room. When one leaves the room they all talk about wha a lousy job she does, or can't believe she said or did something. Then when she returns they act like best friends. And they all do it to each other! I can only imagine wha they must say about me lol...but i dun partake in the gosspi, i just listen and occasionaly laugh. I'll never give my two cents so i can be quoted one day lol nah uh not meeeee. I haven't got paid yet, it'll be like another week, tha sucks, but other than that it's a pretty coo job . Hmm, thas pretty much it for now. | ||
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| Hey,
Wow sounds like you have your life in order for the most part. It had to take a lot to finally put your foot down with tee? But its probably for the best. Hope you have fun at the haunted house. Love Ya, Passion | |||
| Posted by passion4pink | |||
| Entry 152 of 257 |
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