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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I
am very annoyed today and at this moment. I just finished reading my
chapter in purose driven, and decided to check the email someone told
me i had. There's no more guilt on my part. It is what it
is. Does anyone know what it's like to need things from a mate that ur
not getting, but ignore it, and say, well i guess thas just not who
he/she is and learn to accept it? But then, you see this person showing
signs that they actually are capable of being the things u need, just
that ur not the person they are showing the signs too/ Has anyone
ever felt that? Has anyone ever been in a long distance relationship? I
mean, regular relationships themselves take work, but long distance
one's...swhoo...they take the cake. They take extra care, extra
romance, extra time, extra love..just whatever u normally would do, u
have to do a lil more, because it's hard being 351325252 miles apart.
When ur that far away and one of u is feeling a lil insecure about the
relationship you can't look in ur mate's eyes and read them, and get a
vibe for how they really feel. You can't be like, 'honey i wonder
if u really love me?" and then go an dlook in their eyes and see all
the love u need is there. So...you have to be emotionally mature enough
to put in the extra work. If you're with a person who you deeply love, but they are far away, it's hard to not be able to physically feel their armsd wrapped around you, to feel safe in their embrace, so everything else has to make up for that. So what do you do when u are in that situation, and u are telling ur mate how u feel, but they just don't get it? It's hard, because you really love them, and want it to work, but it has to be more than just one person willing to put in all the time and work, and sacrafice. If you're not willing to travel, then you shouldn't be in a long distance relationship. I can understand if u can't afford it, but just not willing? Come on, that's such a slap in the face. You say you love me right/ So wtf do u mean u don't want to visit me? I'm in love with you..i can barely take not being able to kiss you, to touch u, to smell you... your in love with me too..so how can it be that u don't crave me? Anyway, i've learned so much from my long distance relationship. It's so much more than being in love, love can only get u so far. If communication isn't there, you might as well call it quits now. Communication is so much more important to the long distance couple than the average couple, because it's virtually all you have. But ahh, slowly and over time, if ur the mate who has been willing to do the lil extra's you realize that maybe it isn't worth ur time and energy to do it anymore, especially if the person is in love with u, and not willing to do it themself. Love is so beautiful, and i embrace it every chance i get. But peoplpe have to be real with themselves and what they need outside of love. For me, I've come so far, in my ld i started out so insecure , so shaky, feeling so unworthy to have that man's heart. And i needed things he wasn't ready or capable or giving me. I should have been more in love with myself, but over time i developed a healthier relationship with myself. And i know it's only because of God, that i am able to walk away from that relationship, because at one time i thought i needed it. I thought he'd be the only man who could ever possibly love me, and really mean it. I thought he'd be the only person i could open up to and feel free to really be myself. And so, although it has been a long , long emotional battle for me, i am not destroyed at it's end, because i truly believe everything happens for a reason. And i know that had i not have met him, i'd probably still be the same emotionally wrecked little girl afraid to give in to love, afraid to be who i am. And now, i just have to continue to grow. And know that I can do it, because i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. | ||
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