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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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Sometimes,
i feel like this is the only place i can come to really discuss my true
feelings. It's really a very drafty, lonely feeling. All i want
is someone to talk to, to really open up to, without worrying about 'am
i going to hurt their feelings by saying this?" I mean, i know we are
never alone because we always have his love, but you can't just sit
down and have a real one on one convo with God. Sometimes i feel dumb
for feeling down about the things that bother me when there are much
more serious things happening in the world like Katrina, Aids, and
global warming. But all those things that just bring me back to how I'm feeling, life is short. I want to enjoy it while i have it to enjoy. I've giving my all , i've tried love over and over again, but i always fall for the wrong ones. They have all been wrong for whatever reasons, some have been cheaters, some have been liars, and some just weren't ready. I want to be someone's princess, i want to be spoiled and adored, loved. I go on long walks everyday and try not to think about it. I try to replace the thoughts by thinking about my business and my weight loss, God, and family, but those are all things i know i can have. Things, I'm not worried about missing out on. But a solid reltionship, i wonder if it'll ever happen for me. I'm not out "looking" for it because I don't want to be. I've met a lot of guys recently, and my spirits just aren't in it. One of them calle dme a trap, just can't help getting caught up in. I was just like wtf is that supposed to mean. My ex -boyfriend still loves me, but he has a problem with commitment. That is something I'm not willing to trust my heart to again. I'm sorry, but i just can't take that risk..again. Does that make me a bad person for realizing the things i can and can not put up with in a relationship? I may be longing for something true and everlasting, but i'm not gonna settle either. I feel tired and overwhelemed, always wondering am i making him happy enough to stay? Happy enough to push himself to try and want to commit , despite whatever obstacles? I'll be back to type more of my nonsense later. | ||
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| Hey girlie,
No we all go through this, some are just able to hide it better. Or cope better which ever one I'm not sure. Sure there are lots of distrastous things going on all over the world but, if its important to you don't feel bad about being down. And it takes courage and a lot of dignity, not to settle for just any guy. Sounds like we have a lot in common I settled once, and it was a horrible mistake. Never take anything less than you deserve, in my opinion it makes you a better person, maybe thats why some of us stay single for so long, no one meets our standards. Anyway I'm babbling. Love Ya, Passion | |||
| Posted by passion4pink | |||
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| AHH..yes, I just left a comment in your blog, but i used to think that maybe i was too picky, but i honestly don't ask for much. Material things and looks are the least important to me and i really mean that. So what's the point of me settling just to have someone if i'm still not going to be happy? Why make the both of us miserable, so instead, i rather just be sad on my own , ya know? Lol I think people just aren't real enough with themselves and what they NEED in a relationship. People are too quick to overlook the things that they don't like in the beginning stages because of the intial excitement..but those are big big mistakes, that i used to make all the time. Well...i can't make them anymore .
Oh , and as for that guy, yes i do care about him very much, and his age isn't a factor..i thought it would be but it hasn't been. There are other things, but it basically boils down to the fact that i am afraid to embrace what i feel because i don't think it will have the result i'd prefer. | |||
| Posted by MzGuided | |||
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| I have two things:
1. I just saw that this is your 200th post! Congrats! 2. I know what it's like to feel lonely. To feel like your life is crashing down around you and that even God is far out of reach. I just want to encourage you and let you know that peace does come in your midnight hour. When you feel like there's no one there to love you sometimes you just have to love yourself. And I know that it is hard to do that; and it is simply easier said then done. But it is doable. Remember that God is real! He really is and He really loves you! And it's okay to be picky in a relationship. I've only had two relationships my whole life because I'm so picky! Learn to be content by yourself. Learn to be happy all by yourself. Then when God brings a man your way it wont be to make you happy but just simply happier than you were before! Keep your head up and know that all of us who read this blog love you (even if we don’t know you)! Linz | |||
| Posted by LindseyTaylor | |||
| Entry 165 of 257 |
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