Come Vibe With Me ..... - Saturday Night...

I had a lot of decisions to make tonight. I have become this person who is easily identified by "things" i am attractive because i got looks today, i have a meanigful social life because i got asked out today..no no no....wrong attitude lol
WTF is happening to em? It's no big deal though, I am getting through all these things as they come. I CAN be out tonight if i wanted to be, there are at least three ppl i can call and be like, "let's go" i guess it is a big deal to me because i went through a stage where i didn't have those options, where i couldn't go out if i wanted to....and that sucked..i felt like a loser lol like my family felt sorry for me cuz i had " no life" and in turn i felt sorry for myself. So now that i'm like this "cute girl" i feel like i have to ALWAYS be on the go, with sum guy, or anything tha shows everyone tha i'm not tha awkard looking lil girl anymore.
Anyway, it seems like i'm learning a lot about myself, the things i need and want, the way I am, etc, etc.
I called K today, after talking to Brandon, it made me want to finish our previous convo from the other night. It was interesting talking to him, B told me that he and christa are dating/talking or whatever and felt bad like he was the last to know, i told B i have known that for weeks lol but no one would admit to it. Well K was just like, "we jus hang out a lot" basically it's one of those situations where you don't want to tell the person(me) but don't want to lie about it either. But i couldn't resist asking, after finally hearing it from the horse's mouth it makes it better. Just made me a lil mad all the denying for weeks how he felt. I don't really care if u like the girl or not lol but i can understand him wanting to kinda sugar coat. The prolly think im very fragile right now, which i definantly understand. But what i wish ppl understood about me is that being up front is important and i am able to cope and deal with things much better when they are laid out.
Anyway, he told me he didn't stop coming around and being friends because of the no physical contact thing which i had orignally stated..he goes through "cycles" in which he stops coming around .
I could have accepted that too, the thing that made that "cycle" was that he stopped hanging and being a friend to me, but was able to be there for ppl who treated him like a step child. That was the slap in the face of the whole thing, and ultimately the last straw.
I am in the process of forgiving, because i honestly do not like harboring bad feelings.
I'm glad for them, they got it cleared up why they(CC) were so judgemental towards Kory, they knew about the jail time and the marriage thing, but once getting to know him saw him differently. Hmm, maybe if ya weren't so quick to judge you would have seen that in the first place, but ppl like me who look past faults, always get the short end of the stick right? Lol

Anyway, @ 8 pm i am still home, and guess wha, it's not so bad. I'm being forced to deal with my problems, without the distractions of going out. I'm not sure what to say or think about K at this point. He was someone very special to my heart at one point in time, but now it's like i don't know, of course i still care, but i wouldn't be as quick to be there for him like i once was.
It's kinda weird having all this stuff going on when i have something really big happening, i want to share it with everyone!
Now i think more than ever is not the time to be going out meeting guys, and "hanging" because this alone time is really want i need.
I'm not gonna turn into some hermit or something, but for now, i need to stop running from my problems.
To christa and crystal i wish u gals the best, i really do.