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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

Old...Sep. 27, 2005

Yesterday was such an emotional roller coaster for me. The day started out me waking up feeling sick, but i had regurgitating(sp?) so i ignored it.I got on here as usual to vent went to my old college to use their library for research. It felt like i stepped into a movie  that was already in place. I could see everyone, but they couldn't see me. They all looked so small and tiny! That really made me begin to wonder what happened between generations? My generation( yes, i feel so old lol) and my parents generation the people are much bigger than the kids today. And then, maybe this is just a problem in my city, but the average guy height ..meaning majority of the men in st. louis are between 5'6 and 5'9....and sorry to offend anyone, but  that's short ! What happened to all the 6 footers? Both of my brothers, majority of my cousins, and ALL my cousins are at least 5'11- 6'7...yep ..6'7. So yes we have some tall men in our family...but that doesn't explain the lil midgets running around st. louis. A tall man..meaning a man above 5"11 would be a luxury here..at least in terms of race. Now this is weird, because I've been doing my on lil study and all the races except black still carry height in their youth. In fact, that's all  i ever see are tall white guys.

So that leads to my question...what's going on? Now...i believe it is due to most black parents both male and female's smoking weed and drinking...that stuff gets stored in their blood, and so when they have kids...the kids don't receive enough nutrients, vitamins, and other essentials needed for healthy growth. It is a bold thing to say, but i really believe it. Maybe our systems just aren't build the same as it used to be, but all i know is that my peers are pretty tiny on a wide range scale here in my city.

Also, i'm pretty sure my granparents  generation took the time to actually feed and nuture their kids..which would explain why my mom's generation seems to be more livid with average height people than my generation which is not. Anyway, just me rambling. The day was filled with more emotional stuff , but i don't want to get into it now lol.

Let's just say, I'm happy to have gotten my period this month ;)
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