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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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Last night was a clear example of how
someone 'talks down" to me..it is not his intent, just in his nature.
Also the very sole reason of why i never devleoped feelings for him.
How can you develop feelings for someone when u constantly feel on the
defensive when around them. I don't like lectures..i'm not in school
anymore and my dad is dead. No man should ever be lecturing
to me at this point. I feel bad because i know his heart was in the right place, butthere are just ways to approach things, to go about things. Obviously i've been dealing with things, which are heavy to me. They are BIG things to me, and effect me, and my perception of them trouble me greatly, and to have someone tell me it's all in my head really disgusted me. If you disagree with what i'm feeling then come to me and ASK me about me, don't come at me TELLING me how i should feel..when 1.) ur wayyyyyy off course and 2.) the things u said held no warrant what so ever. What abandonment issues? Don't ask in such a condescending tone, like it's a totally insane concept. YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW I FEEL INSIDE, if i feel abandoned then i f*kking feel abandoned....people handle things differently. To ME it is my perception that everyone I LOVE AND GET CLOSE TO ..leave..that to me is being abandoned..rather mentally or physically...it happens over and over to me, and each time it happens my "issue" deepens and becomes more of a problem. My "friend " list has been reduced down to two people...in my mind..i see that reducing as well, it may seem absurd to you, but ppl with issues don't always have the same "logic" as everyone else. I always hold my tongue with you, but you always do this, you always have a way of making how someone else feels, someone else opinion seem inferior to your own, and that really bothers the sh8t out of me. You've never seen me rant or rave in here about you because i hold that, because unlike Dakota, or unlike Tyrus i held you with more respect, because i know and still know that ur heart is always in the right place, but right now, i need you to see that you have this lil caveman mentality..you are an alpha male which is usually a good thing, but you tend to take it over board. I do not appreciate anyone undermining my own thoughts, feelings, and concerns, you don't have the power or right to do that! You may disagree and say that you are not the way i am describing you, but you are, you have always been, and it's gotten to the point that I've told you once , i've told you twice, i'm not gonna keep repeating the same old thing, maybe you'll get it , maybe you won't. I feel bad because you do have good qualities, i know you would be faithful, i know you would never have a problem working to make sure your family is taken care of, but you come off like men are just better than woman and that it is our duty to serve men.No..i am very submissive to the man i am with, not because it is my duty , but because he deserves it, cuz he doesn't treat me like his lil toy, cuz he will respect the value of a woman, and you don't come off that way. As far as my brothers, i wish u woulda just asked me why i felt the way i felt, before commencing to TELLING me how i felt, and why i shouldn't feel that way. My brothers treat me like im fragile because they dun take the time to get to know me, to know strenghts, to know my weakness, they just assume that i am weak in all areas and that is unfair. They assume they have to be my protectors instead of my friends, i don't need protecting all the f*kking time, sometimes i wanna feel like they WANT me around like they want each other around. I wanna feel like they ENJOY my company like they enjoy each others, not like some damn burden, some thing they have to always be watching. I never felt 'apart" of the family. The only person who ever made me feel like they WANTED me around is gone. All you people with dead beat dads can talk about ur anger and ur resentment of having a parent who didn't want u enough to stay around, well how bout having a parent who IS around, but STILL acts like they cant f*kking stand you. Who ignores you, who basically has no clue of who you are, who can't even see it when you TRY to reach out to them,who for years ignored you to hang out and support their other children..but now that the boys are gone, and dad is gone...the parent is now FORCED to see you. That **** does not make me feel loved, there's no one else around, I'm the one she's forced to love. It may seem dumb to you but thats how it feels to me! As far as my friends, my fukked up friends who i would do anything for, one by one just all show their asses, show how much they 'care' by by stabbing me in the back every chance they get ! For me, friends was all i had, do you not fukking get that? You don't have to agree with how i feel, but don't you dare tell me that i am not really feeling it, or that my feelings aren't valid. If you wanna help, them humble your fukking self,climb off your high horse, and learn how to talk through listening. | ||
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