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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I had a long post written out just on
randomn things lol but i clicked on aim and the stupid webpage thing
they have popped up and cleared my page. ANYWAY! I was talking about this being the time of year i enjoy the most. Fall! Fall isn'y my favorite season as far as weather, but it is as far as clothes and things to do. I like group outtings though, lots of good movies usually come out and i like to go in a group, plays, and fright fest, haunted houses which scare me to no end! But i don't have a group anymore lol so im trying to think wha am i gonna do. I'm also trying to talk about more things in my journal than jus wha upsets me, but i kinda feel like it's my journal i should be able to talk about what i want! Anyway.. the friends i do have dun exactly mix well together. Take L...no one really likes hanging with her, but people put up with her anyway...until she does/says something that has everyone jus like, " if she going, i'm not!" Tee is the only person who hasn't come to that conclusion yet. But..he will lol everyone does. As much as people dun like to hang with L..she doesn't like to hang with them either! She pretty much can't stand being around Tw, oddly enough it for the same reasons i didn't wanna date him. But i did decide to give it another try, i hate for him to feel he didnt get a fair shot. She also can't really stand Tee. He argues with her jus for the sake of doing so, and when she decideds to be the bigger person and drops it, he keeps going. The last time us 3 hung out, i thought i was gonna need to jump inbetween them and throw them each some boxing gloves. Funny..too cuz by the end of the night, they both apologized ..to me lol. 'sorry for arguing with ur friend" I do have a group of people who we may not be best friends, but they seem to be able to get along with most people, well except for of course L , who doesn't get along with anyone! But these ppl know how to have fun, they aren't up tight, and jus go with the flow. The only problem i ever had hanging out with them was when Christa was with us, and she is just mrs. uptight..can't have fun at all unless things are exactly suitable for her. Hmm i wonder how her and Kory are doing, if they ever really hooked up? And if they're antics of acting all ova each other was worth the outcome? Apparently so..no one exactly apoloized for it, and no one exactly has made any attempts to be friends again..ah well...they all deserve each other anyway, jus one big group of back stabbers..with Kory right in the middle playing all sides...as long as everyone likes him it doesn't matter who he hurts. Hmm tha brings me to another thing, my friend thinks i need drama from the guy im dating...or else he cant figure out y im not dating him. Well tha doesn't make sense...i could have stayed with Dakota, or Tyrus if i NEEDED drama. I could have stayed friends with Kory, christa and crystal if i NEEDED drama. It may take me awhile, but once ppl bring too much drama, i kick their azz to the curb, HOLLA ! This friend i'm speaking of, i very quietly mask the things he does tha anger or annoy me. It's only because i know his heart is in the right place and he would never intentionally do me any wrong. But i know myself..i know how much i want to be loved by a good man, i know i wouldn't purposely ignore someone like tha if i didn't have good reasons, it's hard, i dun like hurting ppl, i dun like saying something over and over tha i know will hurt someone, so i dun know wha to do to let this person know that he does get to me, that he does bother me. And being with him makes me feel like i would be settling cuz he is family oriented, cuz he is work conscious, cuz he knows how to be faithful...all those things are great...being romantic is great..but if those other keys things aren't there..then it's just a marriage on paper..not by heart =/ | ||
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