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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I
knew today was going to be crazy, it started out kind of badly, anyway,
Tee called me at 8 am . I was up becuz i had business to do for my mom,
anyway the convo was coo, it was all about me telling him he made me
feel rejected. He was sorry of course , i told him i was just feeling
down about the whole ordeal, and he was again sorry. All week
I've been feeling lonely and pretty much like there's something wrong
with me, tha makes guys really really like me, then all of a sudden
pump the brakes and want to "slow down, break up' or just be friends" I've been pretty much sayin this same sad speech for almost a year now. The same thing over and over, i've talked til im blue in the face to dakota about it, but somehow he jus doesn't understand. Anyway, i don't get guys and how they operate, if i make them so happy then why do they not want me? Why would you pick someone who treats you like crap over me, who treated you like a king? No one understands how big of a problem this is for me, or how much it hurts. I've cried a lot today, because it just makes me feel so i dunno bad. But all someone wanted to do was stir up trouble for me, why? Basically in a very clever way called me a slut, brought up a bunch of past stuff, put me in the same catergory as someone else who i really dislike, and i'm just like why did you come at me like that? Mistakes, many mistakes i've made yes, yes yes, but all i've ever wanted to do was love this person, and all he managed to do was make me feel like i'm not what we wants. And i keep telling him how bad it makes me feel, but ahoy,, just doesn't get it. All i wanted with Tyrus was a fresh start, someone whom i liked who liked me to just make me feel like i was good enough, like i was special, like i was wanted, and needed. And yes i gave it my best shot even though i knew wha was going on. Yes it hurts, it hurts bad, i am heart broken is that what you want to hear. You want to hear about how much i cry about it, how i go to sleep early and wake up in the middle of the night. And then turn around and wake up at 7 or 8 am every morning with the same thing on my mind. Is tha what you want to see? Does tha make you feel better? I gave Kory a hand job, and you lost your virginity, even trade off, i'd say. You risk your reltionship with God over someone who couldn't even give you the time of day, do you have any idea how much that hurt! But wha did i do, i gave us another shot anyway. And wha did you do, you made me feel even worse! If all you want to do is say hurtful things, and bring up the past, KNOWING it going to start an argument then i just prefer not to talk at all. I'M SAD ENOUGH...i'm sad enough... | ||
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