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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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Aight
so as of last night, it is officially done with me and Tee. I'd
been waiting on us to be official, just not on this end of the spectrum
hehe. Anyway, every since the day i told him to work things out with
his ex, i really have had sad feeling . Not losing the romance
between us per say, but just that I know things will never be the same
between us, we can't go back to being friends, we can't go back to
dating, we can't go anywhere lol So ... Anyway,last night i spoke the words, "but this is the last time " he seemed to be shocked. That kinda bewildered me like huh? Yesterday was supposed to be it,and u knew tha so why acting suprised now? Anyway, last night was a bit emotional at least it was on my part , if it was for him he didn't show it til this morning when he called at 8. I decided to go ahead and let him know my intentions with Josh. I can tell he was crushed, his voice completely changed. I told him tha he's a guy from my past that keeps resurfacing , and now that he going back with M, and me and D are no more i feel it is an opportune time to try to re -connect with him . "is he a wack guy? How many kids he got? " oh Tyrus, ur no the only nice guy in the world =/ no he's not whack, yes there at least is still an attraction there, no kids, and in the church. "well jus take it slow with him, i mean it'll come lacy u dun have to rush " My gosh..i know =/ so tha convo jus let me know how over our friendship is because he said "don't go out on a date with him yet jus hang out with a bunch of people and see how he does" and i was like well..i would but i dun know enough people to hang out like that. Usually he would have offered himself and his friends, this time it was jus like, "yeah" . Well he's texting me now, ughh wha am i gonna do about this lil situation, maybe it good tha we not gonna be "real' friends. I need to get him out of my system. Plz don't make me feel bad for wanting to date other guys . I know i need a break from dating, but i dun wana sit around lonely with no one to hang with either, i mean i basically got one friend now, and he can't always be around. And i'm a girl with energy i do like to go out n have fun, so me not having anyone to do it with doesn't make me getting 'closer' to myself anf focus on me, it makes me nutty and uncomfortable, and feel like a loser lol. Oh but i asked him are we gonna be able to be friends while were both dating other ppl, and he was like yeah i'll be dating "raven simon--he wishes lol) and u'll be with ur loser. I'm jus like aww he not a loser =/ " i know, i know, im jus playing" but yeah if u really really love him he he say he uncomfortable then he gotta come first ." and i jus like, yeah i know, i know how to be a girlfriend! hehe 'well hopefully ill still be able to text u and stuff and he wont trip" ...yeah but wha about ur girlfriend? how is SHE gonna feel..he didn't mention tha one time . But he still snuck in a way to tell me he loves me---ahh guys are so unfair. I don't even wanna go to church today, the way i feel right now seems like i won't be there for the right reasons, every guy who looks approachable im gonna be wondering his status and thas not right, and i dont wanna be tha way. Uhh my stomach hurts, all my anxiety seems to rest there. =/ Let me stay in the word though, because i have a feeling things are about to get rocky. | ||
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