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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

You can be replaced..Sep. 17, 2005

If you think i'm attractive and willing to work to get me, there's always gonna be someone who thinks the same, but willing to work harder.

So Tyrus will be here in a few hours....part two of last night ( which nothing really happened) I'm really contemplating telling him about Josh, my old high school crush who lately i've been thinking more and m ore about. Tyrus is about to rekindle the flame with his ex, i wanna rekindle the same with Josh. i'M NOT SURE HOW HE'LL TAKE IT THOUGH,..i'm not trying to make him jealous, i jus want him to know tha he isn't the only guy who might be interested in me, but not only tha who'll also  treat me good.

I dun know why i gave so much to Tyrus, i guess because i hoped he was my chance to have a real relationship, at least with someone who lives in the same city. I got caught up in playing house,and he showed me a lot of new, exciting things. It was kind of like i didn't think i'd find a guy who i liked and who liked me who'd treat me the way he did and i hyped myself up so much . But after being kinda mopey today i realized tha he isn't the only "nice guy" in the city. There are plenty of guys out there who can treat me tha way, and  better.

I wish i felt differently for Twyon, i really do. I'm not sure how romantic he is, but i do know tha i LOVE and now NEED romance in a relationship, it jus makes me feel so girly and special lol.
I don't know why Tyrus is putting  off the actual" working on things with  his ex" I know he doesn't want to let me go, but...
all i know is after every 'romance" ends for me, I always feel the same way. I'm really tired of feeling this way , if some guy doesn't want me...his loss . If i see Josh again, i will  ask tha we stay in touch , i don't want to rsuah and start dating him, i'd love a chance to jus get to know him. He's into church and has the same goofy lil grin. I'd like to focus on friendships right now, like to have more than 2 of them to hang out with, and especially now tha tyurs and i wont be hanging as much, i'd really like to keep in touch with people who understand and are coo with just being friends.

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