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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

reflectionsSep. 17, 2005

Job 19:14
aND my close friends have forgotten me.
Job 19:19
All my close friends abhor me,and those who i love have turned against me.


I'm holding my lil nephew and thinking about so many things. Love....it's so precious, it really is. It'd undescribable. For months before Tyrus and I ever became anything more , i listened to the way he spoke of his ex. The hurt in his voice, the disappointment by her actions, but still there was love. I listened to things he did for her, that they did together , how he loved her, how he sacraficed for her, respected her , but none(cept) God before her.

Once we did start to be more than friends i  thought about those things and wanted it fo rmyself. He made me feel like a princess, but like were equal, he wasn't superior to me and i wasn't superior to him, two equals, who enjoyed each other's company, who both came from a broken relationship, who jus wanted that old feeling back.

But after two months of this, i realized that he may want me, but he needs her. And i could keep going on for months with him, but he'd still need her. And it just makes me sad cuz i really miss having someone who feels that way for me. 

Last nigh we spent the evening together. ' our last date' before he starts trying to work it out with his ex. I dun know wha i see when i look in his eyes, seems a mixture of things, sadness, hopefulness, love, all mixed together. Somehow last night got extended til today ,meaning i'll be seeing him again later.

Pretty soon i see myself telling him to let me go




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