I
always went back on my decision about Tee, yes, through lots of text
messages today( i know, i know) he started it! I was jus like gosh, I'm
really going to miss it. And then i realized look at me, even in saying
wha i miss it's not the right thing , is it him i miss or the idea of
having someone. Hmm i think a strong combination of both. Anyway, an
old, old, friend came by today. Same one i spoke of before, cept this
time he actually came. I dated him when i was like 19, it lasted
for 6 months, i gave it a good go, but it really wasn't what i wanted.
WE NEVER EVEN KISSED...shame righ? lol well anyway, i told him i needed
time to myself, to be by myself to figure out wha i wanted/needed. We
did the friend thing for awhile, but then he eventually stopped
calling. Years went by and he started calling annually, like on my
birthday or @ christmas. He called when i was with Dakota, he knew all
about that. Then he calls up again this year wanted to stop by. Oh
yea..he visted me at the daycare once or twice too....
So i get myself kinda spruced up for the visit. He comes and it seems
kinda akward and for the first time he looks old! He was 26 then so i
mean come on lol...so neway..we talk awhile and he's watching me feed
the baby. He starred at me a lot, "so good seeing u again" i'm jus like
thanks, good to see you too, but still...i didn't feel anything =/ I
told him he could call n stuff more now tha i'm not seeing Tee anymore.
So we'll see if he actually does.
I kinda hope he doesn't , and i don't want the guy i exchanged numbers
with at the mall to call, or not even J--one of my high school crushes.
If i do want things to go back the way they were with Tee i suppose to
better do it today , dun wanna be like the guys i complain about and
want him after he's gone. I do want him, i do, but we're both not
ready for the kind of thing we'd be getting ourself into! And the
only reason we not ready is because we have too much baggage =(
But I don't want baggage, i don't want to wait for some guy( D) to
decide his life is fit neough to bring a woman into it...i don't want
to wait for Tee to be over his ex...and grow up , sow his oats and all
tha other stuff young ppl do...lol and i don't want to get married
right now either, i just want to take care of someone emotionally as
well as physically, have them do the same for me and hang out and do
stuff together.
|