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| I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help..... |
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I am still surprised that i did it! Before i go taking all the credit it was a mutual agreement. Anyway, Tee and I had plans to do lunch (mONDAY) his off day . But i needed to go to the doc and since i had to get my niece from school i asked him to go with me since he lives by the school. After we leave the doc we head to the zoo, (his idea) For the last few weeks things had been a lil diff with me and Tee, not the same vibe? Usually everywhere we go ppl think we are a couple, well it been like tha off and on lately(CEPT sATURDAY WHEN HE HAD ME ON A SMALL LEASH LOL) anyway, so he's grabbing my hand and walking with me , then letting go after like 10 secs lol ..jus weird. After spending the day together , sharing two kisses ( one i initiated, one he initiated) i got home and still didn't feel right about "us" "where do u see this going?' typical girl question right? lol "I'm really getting emotionally tied to you, and i don't know if i should be" Him: " I've been so confused! I'm not ready for a relationship, but when i'm with you i can't help wanting that with you. But then i have to think about what's fair and i just got out of one and i still talk to her every other day and we still argue over the same stuff. I know i can't start something new with someone until i resolve everything , and i want to be single for awhile. "- not verbatim( word 4 word) but the general gist of things. Me:" So i think we should go back to being friends, without the benefits and all tha other stuff, the thing is tho i don't even know how to act around you. I'll leave the calling and texting and all that to you. I'm coo in regards to the like kissy kissy and all tha, but ..what do i do about these feelings?" Him:" Are you sure thats what u want to do? (in regards to jus being friends) Me:" Yes, i don't want to play house with you. And i understand what you mean cuz i been broken up longer and our old issues keep coming back up too and we discuss it and it's just like grrr lol but do u still have feelings for me? Him:"Yes, yes, yes !" Me: " Well this feels like a break up, i don't like break up feelings =/ I'll let you get back to getting ur hair braided Him: " Nah, i still got time, and it does feel like a break up, but lets not look at it like that lets look at it like we stopped before things got bad cuz i never wanna play with ur head and lead u on ." Me: " I don't wanan lead u on either! Some days i wake up and i'm like i really wanna be with you , and then by the end of the night i'm like nah. I know i'm not ready for a relationship, i don't even want to be in one, it's just i dunno Him;" Maybe we'll be like brown sugar and love and basketball friends for a long time but really love each other then finally hook up after i get with lots and lots of girls and u not dating anyone else cuz u better not( him playing around) Me : ( starting to feel sad) hehe yea maybe...(change subject- buncha randomn talk) then tha was pretty much it. He did let me know tha he knows being close to his ex while trying to start a relationship isn't coo...which is wha bothered me about him. Also we were on two different paths, i mean roses and lil sweet nothings, love poems, COME ON MAN! of course i'm going to think u actually want to take it somewhere....my advice to everyone, know what you want before u start anything with someone especially someone u have strong feelings for, cuz if ur an affectionate, romantic person it's going to show itself, ur going to wanna do those things for tha person, and no way to be like tha AND keep it simple lol. And know tha it is impossible to have feelings for someone for a awhile, and then finally get to act on them, WITHOUT getting "owned" if ur not ready for the next step. Me? I'm not gonna go running to anyone for comfort. After tha talk with Tee i f elt drained, a lil sad, a lil angry, then back to sad, and didn't want to talk to anyone. When i woke up at 3 am, i felt lonely and sad again, like " is ANYONE ever gonna be ready for my love" thas basically what i'm sad over...damn house phone ringing at this time? SCARES ME.. Ok guess everything coo, haven't heard mom talking loud or screaming or anything . But I'm gonna chill on guys for awhile. Crap, i'm about to be soooo lonely...I HAVE 2 FRIENDS LoL tha i can go out with on a reg, make tha one now!...no girls to have a girls night to help take my mind off things. Yes God i know..i know...come to you...I've been coming anyway tho, slowly but surely. Ok, i don't want to hear a bunch of bad stuff about Tee from this either ! Oh yea, i was sleep by 11 pm lol but i woke again around 3: 30 go figure, i did have a text and voice mail from Tee though. D called me, no message or text backs though. Oh well, going to bed now, latas... | ||
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