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I was a cocky( in terms of interpersonal relationshipz) naive, self righteous, and spoiled. In terms of guyz ( the ones i fell for) i was clingy, jealous, possesive, and non trusting...in terms of self..i was non decisive, non assertive...and a plain ol push over. My life used to be full of pain, but i finally said NO MORE. Thre differenc between now and then is that i finally have help.....

The weekend was coo....Sep. 11, 2005

All the out of town guest are finally gone!  Friday i went out with my mom and cuz to the "old ppl club" lol which i didn't want to do!  But it turned out to be pretty coo..i got to do my "jungle slide" and i got hit on by old guys. My uncle brought his girlfriend  who knew all the words to one of Nelly's songs i forget which one ATM but she was pretty coo. She's a ho.the woman on the side, sleeping with a married man and for tha i don't respect her, but i can see that mu uncle is happy with her--for that i dun respect him. My uncle is the type of guy who still likes to go out even though he is 65 yrs old! He loves to dance and im guessing have sex( eww) his wife is the stay at home  look at tv kind of gal. She provides a home though, cooks, cleans, just retired this year. Raised his children, but my thing is ..guys if u aren't happy try to enforce tha to ur wife, if she doesn't make the effort then tell her ur not happy, ask for a seperation if it too hard to get a divorce or leave, but don't play both. I don't think cheaters realize how much emotional strength is zapped from the ppl they are cheating on when they find out!

And just because he/she isn't saying anything, doesn't mean they don't know! It ruins the person, makes it hard to trust, makes it hard to open up , if u really care just let them go, at least they can go with their dignity =/ Anyway...tha same uncle thinks he is as young as I am, so he is always trying to look "cool" in front of me..."hey check me out, did u see me breaking her down on the dace floor?" Yea Unc i saw u! LoL ..but wha u dun know is tha i really dun care lol so this guy comes up ( i pretty much sat down the whole time) and asked me to dance, i'm  like nah no thanks,he keeps asking and saying all these crazy things, but i still refuse. After he leaves eveyrone wanted to know wha he was sayin, i tell em and my uncle is like, " If u weren't my niece i'd teach u a thing or two" he says tha because he teases me about dismissing guys, and having a diff one everytime he see's me--which is only partly true lol it's jus tha i never have a boyfriend so to him i'm a "playa"  so the night is winding down and several guys approach me, i accept his number without making an exchange, and  my uncle comes up and is like, " i'm gonna have to teach u not to follow after these guys."

I'm looking at him like WTF lol i was like uncle PLEASE i do not go after them they go after me! And myt cousin from out of state was like yeah,' they always on her, she beat one of at the mall yesterday, and was on the phone all day telling another to get lost"- she was refering to Kory.  It made me laugh, eveyrone paints this picture of me being this super "pimp" in which i did tell my uncle ," u dun know about me, imma p.i.m.p" he laughed..and was like, what's that?" LoL i had to use th aon him cuz he loves hearing "hip" terms..but neway..I'm not tha much of a pimp, thas why it's so funny to me!


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Saturday ---
I run into b at the store in which he approaches me and talks about the show. I knew it was a bad thing right away because he wasn't even suppose to know who i am lol so i debate on tleling J in which i do and she is disturbed by it but the show must go on! So we get there and i decide to keep on the ultra short skirt i was wearing. Tyrus is like "lacy looking like a hoochie" lol and im jus like whatever but once inside and i saw how lit up it was and how it looke dlike we were in a church i did feel like one =./ I catch eyes with Brandon quite a few times, it was weird. I was thinking" i hope J didn't see that. But i also caught eyes with his friend R, Who J also had a crush on. Not only did i catch eyes, but a few smiles as well, whoa J said she caught eyes with him too, so i dun know. But the funniest was  D watching me and Ty be all cuddly. Ty keeps me on a lil leash-not literally of course. I was never out of his sight and when we were around each other he has his arm around me. This only matters because i WAS TRYING TO DO A PIMP MOVE....i saw an old high school crush of mine. I've seen him 3 times this year, and each time wasn't a good time to approach him. When i first saw him he smiled and waved. I kept watching him i admit it , why? Because I told ya, Im keeping my options open. But by the end of the night, Ty and J was ready to go before it was over, so i never got my chance. Oh well--

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